Yes, we’re a little behind in addressing the recent layoffs for the Cleveland Browns. But in our defense, we’re both incredibly lazy and I’m almost 99% sure no one even reads this stuff. That being said, no one saw the Crennel and Savage firings as shocking news material. When you’re team doesn’t score an offensive touchdown the last six weeks of the season, it’s a pretty good bet that you’re shit is gonna be on the front lawn the day after the season ends.
So now the Browns are on the hunt for the next coach that will lead us to the promised land. Will it be Mangini? Maybe Cowher has a change of heart? How about landing the over hyped Shannahan? The latest reports say that it will be Mangini and Scott Pioli from the Patriots with Crennel being brought back as the Defensive Coordinator. Not a bad scenario.
So Brady Quinn got punched in the eye. How random is that? The Browns QB’s aren’t even safe off the field. I for one can not wait until this season is over and done with. I’d really like to shift the focus of our blog from the Browns to the Cavs. The Cavs are good.
On to the picks.
Game of the Week Miami at New York Jets (MIA -1) Mummer: New York Jets The Jets need to win this game. You can’t miss the playoffs by losing to a team that went 1-15 last year but is now 10-6 because your QB from a year ago is having his best year as a pro. I know the smart pick is the Dolphins because of the revenge factor and Brett Favre’s shoulder issues, but I just can’t pick against Favre somehow finding a way to win this one.
LMoH: Dolphins Brett Farve is a dick.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Kansas City at Cincinnati (EVEN) Mummer: Kansas City If I asked you how many rushing yards Larry Johnson has, what would your answer be? 400? 500? How about 856? That’s right; he’s one big game away from being a 1,000 yard rusher. If this happens, can we all agree that 1,000 yards in a season is no longer the bench mark for a great running back?
LMoH: Chiefs
I agree. I think it is entirely overrated. But that is only if Johnson reaches it this year.
Hometown Game of the Week Cleveland at Pittsburgh (PIT -9.5) Mummer: Pittsburgh This game is gonna get fucking ugly, Fugly if you will. Do you know who Richard Bartel is? Do you know where Tarleton State is? If your answer put’s Richard Bartel as the heir to the “Bartles and Jaymes” fortune, and Tarleton Sate in the great state of Tarleton, you should be probably go play in traffic. Surprisingly, Richard Bartel is the Browns new second-string QB, and Tarleton State is in the great state of ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! There weren’t any other QB’s available!?! How is Josh Cribbs not listed as QB1 and Gradkowski as QB2? Cribbs was more successful at the collegiate level than both of them combined. This is why Crennel needs to be fired.
LMoH: Steelers What he said.
The Rest St. Louis at Atlanta (ATL -10.5) Mummer: St. Louis LMoH: Rams
New England at Buffalo (NE -5.5) Mummer: Buffalo LMoH: Pats
Detroit at Green Bay (GNB -5.5) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Lions
Tennessee at Indianapolis (IND -1.5) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Titans
New York Giants at Minnesota (NYG -1) Mummer: Minnesota LMoH: Giants
Carolina at New Orleans (CAR -1.5) Mummer: Carolina LMoH: Panthers
Oakland at Tampa Bay (TB -5) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at Houston (CHI -4) Mummer: Chicago LMoH: Bears
Washington at San Francisco (EVEN) Mummer: Washington LMoH: Redskins
Jacksonville at Baltimore (BAL -6.5) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Ravens
Dallas at Philadelphia (PHI -1.5) Mummer: Dallas LMoH: Cowboys
Seattle at Arizona (ARI -4.5) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Seahwaks
Denver at San Diego (SD -7) Mummer: San Diego LMoH: Broncos
Hey! Check out what the Cavs think is gonna be a great idea!
“On Christmas Day's game with the Washington Wizards at The Q, Nike will debut a "chalk" version of James' signature shoe. It will feature a silhouette of his well-known ritual of tossing the chalk or rosin into the air before games on the tongue.
And the Cavs are getting the fans into the act as well, all fans will get a packet of chalk to throw in the air after pregame introductions along with James.” Courtesy of The Plain Dealer
No way this ends well. Cleveland fans have never shown that they can handle anything with class, and I love it. See Exhibit A and Exhibit B, and after this chalk throwing game I introduce you to Exhibit C.
I’m going to break away from our normal sports theme to talk a little bit about some upcoming movies. To see the trailer, just click the title of each section. This should be fun for everyone.
Valkyrie I was really excited about this movie, up until I saw the trailer and noticed Tom Cruise decided to give the middle finger to the German community and go with an American accent for his role. Understand he is playing a German officer by the name of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg. That name reeks of sauerkraut and schnitzels yet Cruise decides he wants to be a douche and ruin a potentially great film.
7 Pounds The trailer for this movie is about as vague as a Patriots injury report. What is the point of this fucking movie!?! Does he have the flu? The world’s biggest turd? Please tell me.
Yes Man I’ve already mentioned in an earlier post that this is essentially “Liar, Liar 2”. Instead of not being able to tell a lie for a day, he has to say yes to everything for a year. Wow, genius.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Brad Pitt plays a character that is born as an elderly man and gets younger as time progresses. It’s adapted from the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story by the same name. Do yourself a favor and read the story. It’s fantastic and a quick read.
Batman 3 I’m calling it Batman 3 because the film has yet to be given a name. This has to be one of the most highly anticipated movies and it doesn’t even have a script yet. Rumors are flying as to who the next villain(s) will be, and who they will cast for the role(s). Two of the biggest rumors that need to be commented on are Eddie Murphy as the Riddler, and Shia LaBeouf as Robin. In no way shape or form can they let Eddie Murphy be the Riddler. Did you see Norbit? I’ve read obituaries that were funnier than that piece of shit. As far as Robin goes, Christian Bale has gone on record stating he will not show up for work if Robin is introduced into the film series. Not to mention, who would want to be in the unenviable position of following Chris O’Donnell as the boy wonder?
Well that’s all for now, if we get a positive response I’ll do another one. If we don’t, I won’t. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Alright kiddies, you’re gonna get one monstrous version of our picks this week. Because the NFL is now playing games on Saturday, we figured it best to just put out one large post with all the picks. Before we get to the picks though, did anyone see Stu Scott on Monday Night Football? He was holding a green and white golf umbrella down on the sidelines during the game. As soon as I saw that I immediately thought “Scary Poppins”. That eye isn’t doing anyone any favors. If someone has a picture of this, please send it to me.
On to the picks.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week Sponsored by Stewart Scott’s Creepy Ass Eyeball Indianapolis at Jacksonville (IND -8.5) Mummer: Jacksonville Unless the Colts jump into a time machine, I don’t see them beating anyone by 9.
LMoH: Colts I do like the Colts. With or without Joseph Addai. I think they are poised to make a big run here at the end of the season.
Game of the Week Carolina at New York Giants (CAR -4.5) Mummer: New York Giants There are easily three great match-ups for this week. Ultimately, this one should provide the most action. I’m completely sold on DeAngelo Williams, he’s a freak.
LMoH: Giants I think it comes down to Brandon Jacobs. The Giants go as he goes.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Houston at Oakland (HOU -4) Mummer: Houston I gave serious consideration to combining the “Irrelevant” game and the “Hometown” game to create the “Shittiest Hometown Game of the Century”. Lucky for the Browns, it would have fucked with the format we’ve been going with for the past few weeks.
LMoH: Texans Really? -4? Really?
Hometown Game of the Week Cincinnati at Cleveland (EVEN) Mummer: Cleveland I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think of something to say about this game. I’ve got nothing.
LMoH: Bengals See post titled "I have a question".
The Rest Baltimore at Dallas (DAL -1) Mummer: Baltimore LMoH: Cowboys
New Orleans at Detroit (NO -5.5) Mummer: New Orleans LMoH: Lions Editor's note: I will be picking the Lion's this week and next. They are going to win a game and I am going to take credit for picking it.
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (PIT -5) Mummer: Pittsburgh LMoH: Steelers
Miami at Kansas City (MIA -6) Mummer: Miami LMoH: Dolphins
San Francisco at St. Louis (SF -4) Mummer: St. Louis LMoH: Niners
Arizona at New England (NE -3) Mummer: New England LMoH: Patriots
San Diego at Tampa Bay (TB -3) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Bucs
New York Jets at Seattle (NYJ -3.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Seahawks Editor's note: Make sure you take part in Brett Farve's 4th farewell tour.
Buffalo at Denver (DEN -2.5) Mummer: Buffalo LMoH: Bronco's
Philadelphia at Washington (PHI -5.5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH: Redskins
Atlanta at Minnesota (MIN -2) Mummer: Minnesota LMoH: Falcons
Green Bay at Chicago (CHI -7) Mummer: Chicago LMoH: Packers
Here is a snippet from ESPN's daily NBA bullets: "There's a new book coming out by Mark Hyman (he has a blog) called "Until it Hurts.""
His name is Mark Hyman and he wrote a book called "Until it Hurts." Say that out loud one more time. I am not even going to try and follow that up. No matter what I write, it won't be as funny as anything you the reader came up with. Though I would love to get some feedback on this one.
Just a couple of quick notes before I head off to bed. One, the Browns suck. They suck bad. The kind of sucking that if you were really, really drunk and it was some nasty chick you brought home from the bar, you would either beg her to leave or pass out and hope she's gone when you wake up. Unfortunately, the Browns will still be here tomorrow when we all wake up. Rest easy Lions fans, you are the most disgusting team in the NFL in record only. Two, I have opened up a two game lead on the Mummer in the weekly predictions race with only two weeks to play (not including the postseason). I think for the next two weeks I am just going to pick every game exactly the same as the Mummer and guarantee myself the season victory. Three, goodnight everyone. It's time to go cry myself to sleep.
Last second add-on
I was just getting ready to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed when I saw this... You perverts, read above, the tissues are for my weekly post Browns game weeping. You sick SOB's. Anyway, when I saw the highlight below. At least the Vikings were able to sack up tonight and save the day for the great city of Cleveland.
We're both off to a good start this week. I'm not feeling particularly entertaining tonight, so let's get right to it.
Game of the Week Pittsburgh at Baltimore (BAL -1.5) Mummer: Pittsburgh Baltimore has been able to put up the points this year, but Pittsburgh is rolling right now. I'm gonna ride it out.
LMoH: Ravens I don't know why. I just have a feeling. Usually that meansI am wrong.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Seattle at St. Louis (EVEN) Mummer: Seattle Ummm...so how bout them Indians.
LMoH: Seahawks Did they sign Kerry Wood? What a waste.
Hometown Game of the Week Cleveland at Philadelphia (PHI -9.5) Mummer: Philadelphia This will be the first time I have picked against the Browns all year. Dorsey is miserable and it's apparent the team has quit on Crennel. But hey, at least Kellen wants to be a Brown next year.
LMoH: Eagles They're (the Browns) Shitty!
The Rest Tampa Bay at Atlanta (ATL -2) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Falcons
Washington at Cincinnati (WAS -9.5) Mummer: Washington LMoH: Redskins
San Francisco at Miami (MIA -2) Mummer: San Francisco This is actually a very interesting contest. San Fran has been playing inspired football and may catch Miami by surprise much the same way Miami caught teams by surprise early in the season. I was very close to making this the game of the week.
LMoH: Niners I agree. I do believe the Dolphins are over achieving.
Buffalo at New York Jets (NYJ -5.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Jets
Detroit at Indianapolis (IND -11.5) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Colts
San Diego at Kansas City (SD -3) Mummer: San Diego LMoH: Chargers
Green Bay at Jacksonville (GNB -1.5) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Packers
Tennessee at Houston (TEN -2.5) Mummer: Tennessee LMoH: Texans
Minnesota at Arizona (ARI -1.5) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Cardinals
Denver at Carolina (CAR -5.5) Mummer: Denver LMoH: Panthers
New England at Oakland (NE -4) Mummer: New England LMoH: Patriots
New York Giants at Dallas (NYG -2) Mummer: New York Giants LMoH: Cowboys
The Thursday night pick is back after a week off due to inebriation. Surprisingly, tonight’s game looks to be a pretty good match-up. But let’s put that discussion on hold for a second, we need to talk about this first.
Steve Young takes a cup to the face and doesn’t miss a beat! But it begs a few questions like, what if that cup had hit Stu Scott? Would he have had a Vietnam type flashback to the Juggs machine? Would the cup have corrected his fucked up eye? Why are Stu Scott and Emmit Smith dressed like they are going to the Arctic Circle? They are broadcasting from CHARLOTTE FUCKING NORTH CAROLINA! Oh and Steve, maybe you could teach that bob-and-weave move to Stu Scott. It might end up saving his other eye some day.
On to the game!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week Sponsored by Stu Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball New Orleans at Chicago (CHI -1) Mummer: Chicago Remember the last time Reggie Bush was at Soldier Field? When he pointed at Urlacher and then did a flip into the endzone? Yeah, I think Brian still remembers that.
LMoH: Bears I always have a hard time picking against Brees and that offense. They are averaging like 130 points a game. That's impressive. However, I like the Bears defense and Matt Forte to do some damage tonight.
My apologies to the millions of readers who were disappointed to see we did not make our picks for the Thursday night game between San Diego and Oakland. The truth is I've been huffing crazy amounts of Elmer's glue and I thought it was Wednesday when in fact it was Thursday. Again, my apologies.
Game of the Week Dallas at Pittsburgh (PIT -2) Mummer: Pittsburgh Pittsburgh's field is a mess and Marion Barber would have had a big day for Dallas. His loss is too much to overcome.
LMoH: Steelers With or without Barber, the Steelers win this by a touchdown.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Miami at Buffalo (MIA -1.5) Mummer: Miami So, the Cavaliers are playing insane basketball right now. I'm not sure if it's the addition of Mo Williams or the fact that the rest of the team is having career years, but it's fantastic. Next to the Lakers, the Cavs may have the best bench in the NBA. They look like a team on a mission. And yes, I'm refusing to comment on this Miami "at" Buffalo atrocity that will be played Sunday.
LMoH: Bills Kobe Bryant is an asshole.
Hometown Game of the Week Cleveland at Tennessee (TEN -10.5) Mummer: Cleveland Is it crazy of me to think that Cleveland can keep it close, and possibly win, if Cribbs see's significant time behind center? I know he is a few years removed from being an every day QB but let's not forget, he wasn't terrible at Kent. Take a look at this story.
LMoH: Titans By the way, BoDog has this at 14 and I still like the Titans. If the Lions and Browns were to play today, I would like the Lions by 2 TD's.
The Rest Jacksonville at Chicago (CHI -6.5) Mummer: Chicago LMoH: Bears
Minnesota at Detroit (MIN -8) Mummer: Minnesota LMoH:Vikings
Houston at Green Bay (GNB -7.5) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Texans
Cincinnati at Indianapolis (IND -11.5) Mummer: Cincinnati LMoH: Colts
Atlanta at New Orleans (NO -1.5) Mummer: Atlanta LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -8.5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH: Giants
Kansas City at Denver (DEN -8) Mummer: Kansas City LMoH: Broncos
New York Jets at San Francisco (NYJ -7.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Jets
New England at Seattle (NE -6.5) Mummer: Seattle LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at Arizona (ARI -14) Mummer: St. Louis LMoH: Cardinals
Washington at Baltimore (BAL -7) Mummer: Washington LMoH: Ravens
Tampa Bay at Carolina (CAR -1) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Panthers
This may be the only hockey post you will ever see here, but I felt a post was needed so as to address the recent incident with Sean Avery. If you haven’t heard about this, here is the story.
I can’t believe he is referring to Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter as sloppy seconds. If that’s what an NHL player’s sloppy seconds looks like, then order me up some sloppy thirds and fourths, because this is what the average person’s sloppy seconds looks like.
Damn, that bitch is no joke.
Oh, and congratulations to Elisha Cuthbert on being known from here on out as the NHL merry-go-round.
We couldn't have been given a worse slate of games for what was produced on Thursday. In fact they weren't games, they were slaughters. The closest game was Seattle/Dallas and that game was over after the first quarter. Fortunately, looking at this weekend we should see some closer games.
Game of the Week Pittsburgh at New England (NE -1) Mummer: New England The Hoodie has Cassel thinking he's the best QB in the league, and he's playing like it. Open your minds and let me drop this little nugget on you...Tom Brady has thrown for 400+ yds once in his career. Cassel has done it twice...in a row...in one season. Not saying this means he's a better QB than Brady, just saying that he's playing at a very high level right now.
LMoH: Steelers I get it. Cassel is starting to look like a legit QB. The Mummer knows I am a staunch "Hoodie" supporter. However, that Steelers defense is wicked good, to put it in terms the Mummer can understand.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Kansas City at Oakland (OAK -6) Mummer: Kansas City I can't figure either of these teams out. I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that happens in this game.
LMoH: Chiefs Jesus. It gets harder and harder to do a write-up for this game. I think Bobby Thigpen is finally starting to get into a groove and Jamarcus Russell is a piece of crap. I take the chiefs by default.
Hometown Game of the Week Indianapolis at Cleveland (IND -8.5) Mummer: Cleveland DA is gonna tear shit up this week. That's our luck. He's gonna finish the season strong and Cleveland will head into the off season with another choice to make at QB.
LMoH: Colts There is no choice to make at QB. Unless of course DA goes back-up punter on Brady and stabs him in the hand. In the meantime, the Browns continue to look like Jamarcus Russell and lose this one handily.
The Rest San Francisco at Buffalo (BUF -5.5) Mummer: Buffalo LMoH: Bills
Baltimore at Cincinnati (BAL -5.5) Mummer: Baltimore LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Green Bay (EVEN) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Panthers
Miami at St. Louis (MIA -10) Mummer: St. Louis LMoH: Dolphins
New Orleans at Tampa Bay (EVEN) Mummer: New Orleans LMoH: Saints
New York Giants at Washington (NYG -4) Mummer: New York LMoH: Giants
Atlanta at San Diego (ATL -1) Mummer: San Diego LMoH: Falcons
Denver at New York Jets (NYJ -8.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Jets
Chicago at Minnesota (MIN -1.5) Mummer: Chicago LMoH: Bears
Jacksonville at Houston (HOU -2) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Jaguars
It's Thanksgiving. Enjoy the holiday, enjoy the games.
Best Thursday Game Arizona at Philadelphia (ARI -2.5) Mummer: Arizona I'm not sure why people are surprised that the Eagles are playing terrible football right now. They've been terrible all year. Their five wins are against the Rams, Steelers, 49ers, Falcons and Seahawks. Not to mention they TIED the CINCINNATI BENGALS! Even the Browns were able to manage a win against Cincinnati. Kurt Warner and the three-monster that is the Cardinals receivers are going to tear Philly up.
LMoH: Cardinals As much as I like the Cards in this one, Philly scares me. Sooner or later they are going to get their shit together. In the meantime, here's an Arizona team that is out to prove they hang with NFC East. Even if it is the NFC East subdivision.
Worst Thursday Game Seattle at Dallas (DAL -11) Mummer: Seattle I know Seattle has two wins on the season but they can definitely win this game. Hasselbeck has kept his team in the last two games (but also gave them away) so I see a win here.
LMoH: Seahawks Very mixed on this one. I agree with the Mummer, but that Seahawks defense should be ashamed of themselves. I mean really, Holmgren should walk up to them with a rolled up newspaper, smack them on the nose and say "Bad!"
Mildly Interesting Thursday Game Tennessee at Detroit (TEN -11.5) Mummer: Tennessee I'm gonna regret this pick on Friday.
I couldn't have been more wrong about Cincinnati this week. In my defense though, I made that pick before Chad Ocho Cinco was made inactive. Still, he wouldn't have made enough of a difference to help Cincinnati keep that game closer.
Game of the Week New York Jets at Tennessee (TEN -2) Mummer: Tennessee The Jets have a fantastic chance of winning this game. I just have a hard time picking against a 10-0 team.
LMoH: Titans Mostly because I hate Farve. With his style, and filthy Titans defense, I am betting on a 3int performance from our favorite attention whore.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Buffalo at Kansas City (BUF -4) Mummer: Buffalo This is gonna be a miserable game.
LMoH: Chiefs I like the Chiefs to get a win here against a Bills team that looks like Frodo in the 3rd installment of the rings trilogy.
Hometown Game of the Week Houston at Cleveland (CLE -2.5) Mummer: Cleveland If the LMoH picks against Cleveland I have just one thing to say to him "Go root for Houston - Fuck you."
LMoH: Browns Here's the thing, the Browns have won in the weeks i picked against them. We'll if the trend continues. Look for Steve Slaton to post about 42 fantasy points this week.
The Rest San Francisco at Dallas (DAL -6.5) Mummer: San Francisco LMoH: Dallas
Tampa Bay at Detroit (TB -7.5) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at St. Louis (CHI -7) Mummer: St. Louis LMoH: Bears
New England at Miami (MIA -1) Mummer: New England LMoH: Patriots
Minnesota at Jacksonville (MIN -2) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Jags
Philadelphia at Baltimore (BAL -1.5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH:Ravens
Oakland at Denver (DEN -9.5) Mummer: Denver LMoH: Broncos
Carolina at Atlanta (EVEN) Mummer: Atlanta LMoH: Panthers
New York Giants at Arizona (NYG -4.5) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Giants
Washington at Seattle (WAS -5.5) Mummer: Seattle LMoH: Redskins
Indianapolis at San Diego (IND -4) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Colts
Green Bay at New Orleans (EVEN) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Packers
Well, we’ve reached the end of the regular season for our beloved Buckeyes. It feels like just yesterday USC was crushing our collective pelvises with repeated knee kicks to the groin. Tomorrow the Buckeyes welcome a free-falling Michigan Wolverines team that so badly needs this win to bring some sort of respectability back to this season. Hmmmm, about that…
According to Bodog, the Buckeyes are 21 point favorites. I never thought I’d see the day that this rivalry would have a 21 point favorite. But, with Pryor and Wells running wild the last few games and Michigan banged up at QB and RB, that’s where we stand.
Over the last week reports have been coming out that Rodriguez may be out after one season and some key players may be contemplating transferring. I personally feel that all of these reports are a little far fetched, but if the Buckeyes do lay a 21+ point ass whooping on the Wolverines, we may just see some of those stories come to fruition.
Because the Little Mime of Hate is such a die-hard Wolverines fan, I figured we’d get his take on this, a little two-for-one action.
LMoH: Is it possible that Uncle Rico is playing possum? Sure it is. Is it possible that he has a whole new playbook to unveil Saturday that will throw the Buckeyes off their game? Sure it is. Let’s all step back into reality now. Michigan is in trouble. I’ll save the majority of my editorializing for the year in review and try to stick to Saturday’s game. In order for Michigan to win they are going to have come out and play the perfect game. We’re talking eight guys in the box, shut down Wells and force Prior to throw the football. They’ll have to run the ball well early and eat some clock. Hopefully they can get out to one of their early leads and maybe maintain it this time. Again, let's step back into reality. A reality that I don’t even want to think about.
I love the defeated tone in the LMoH's writing. It's good to be an Ohio State fan right now.
Holy shit, I am WORKING the Little Mime of Hate to this point! But, while I should be riding high because of this, I'm actually a little down in the dumps. We've recently received a cease and decist letter from Mr. Goodell. Apparently he didn't take kindly to us referring to the Thursday night game as the "Dickhead Game of the Week, Sponsored by Roger Goodell". So, we started looking for new sponsors and boy have we hit the jackpot. Brace yourselves everyone, the Thursday night game will now be referred to as the "Juggs Machine Game of the Week, Sponsored by Stuart Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball". If you don't get the reference, follow this link. You're welcome.
Oh, and before you get all bent out of shape about this, please know I mean no disrespect. That dead eye is as cool as the other side of the pillow. Boo-yah!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week Sponsored by Stuart Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (PIT -8.5) Mummer: Cincinnati Hines Ward broke Keith Rivers' jaw in the last matchup. The Bengals are out for blood in this one. No way Pittsburgh wins by 8.5.
LMoH: Steelers
I disagree. I like the Steelers here. That defense is just filthy. I expect them to lay the wood too a Bengals offense that will now be missing Chad Johnson. Hoosh might get in the endzone, but it will end there.
The LMoH and I are both 0-0-1 after the Thursday night thriller. If you would have told me Thursday morning that Matt Cassel would have thrown for 400 yds and 3 TDs, I would have said "Who is Matt Cassel?". Thank you, thank you, now on to the picks.
Game of the Week Dallas at Washington (EVEN) Mummer: Dallas The return of Tony Romo. How will he perform? How does his hand feel? I don't know, but I'm sure Madden will tell us at least 50 times.
Little Mime of Hate: Redskins I think the skins pull this off even without Portis. Expect a big game out of Tight End Chris Cooley.
Irrelevant Game of the Week St. Louis at San Francisco (SF -4) Mummer: San Francisco I'm moving my J.O. session* with Katie Morgan up if this is the only 4:00pm game being televised.
LMoH: Niners What's the over under on spiking the ball references. It seems that will be the only point of interest in this game.
Hometown Game of the Week Cleveland at Buffalo (BUF -2.5) Mummer: Cleveland After starting the year 4-0, the Bills have lost four of their last five games. The Browns will have had 10 days to prepare. Anything less than a win should result in Romeo's pink slip.
LMoH: Bills I am done picking the Browns for a while. They disgust me. Even a win should mean a pink slip. I don't recall ever watching such a poorly managed team.
The Rest Denver at Atlanta (ATL -2.5) Mummer: Atlanta LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at Cincinnati (PHI -7.5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH: Eagles
Chicago at Green Bay (EVEN) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Bears
Houston at Indianapolis (IND -9.5) Mummer: Houston LMoH: Texans
New Orleans at Kansas City (NO -5.5) Mummer: New Orleans LMoH: Chiefs
Oakland at Miami (MIA -8) Mummer: Miami LMoH: Dolphins
Baltimore at New York Giants (NYG -5.5) Mummer:New York Giants LMoH: Ravens
Minnesota at Tampa Bay (TB -1.5) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH:Bucs
Detroit at Carolina (CAR -12) Mummer: Detroit LMoH: Lions
Arizona at Seattle (ARI -5.5) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Cardinals
Tennessee at Jacksonville (TEN -7) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Titans
San Diego at Pittsburgh (PIT -4) Mummer: San Diego LMoH: Steelers
Last week I introduced you to the "Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week". It was well received. By that I mean, we don't have any readers therefore I didn't receive any negative feedback. Because of that, I'm gonna keep going with it.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week Sponsered by Roger Goodell New York Jets at New England (NE -3) Mummer: New York Jets I don't have much to say about this game. I feel the Jets win by at least two touchdowns. The Patriots aren't good enough to beat the Jets twice this year, and Favre is capable of dropping 5 TD's on you at any moment. What I do want to talk about is this.
I felt you needed to know this.
Little Mime of Hate: Patriots Despite Thomas being the 53rd member of the patriots 53 man roster to go on the I.R., I like the Pats in this. We all know Bill hates to lose to the guy he mentored and we may actually see him go Tanya Harding on Brett Farve, which I am ok with. The only thing that would bother me about this is that the game is on the NFL network, and I won't get to see Farve rolling around the field screaming, "Why Me?!? Why Me?!?" On another note, I reserve the right to change my pick if Jim Tressel's greatest recruit ever, Shawn Crable, starts tonight.
..."Random Thoughts" may be the most unimaginative title for a blog post, but it's done me well so far, so I'm gonna roll with it.
...That's right Jim Tressel! Going for the fake punt in the fourth quarter up 21 points. That's how you get some respect in the eyes of the bowl voters. Run up the score!
...Troy Smith who?
...and finally a tribute to Richard Riehle, the hardest working man in Hollywood. He's not dead or anything, but holy shit give it a rest son. Not every movie made over the last 20 years needs the walrus mustache.
Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
Well, the Little Mine of Hate and myself are already in the hole 0-1 after the Browns defense decided to take a nice big shit mid-field at the Browns Stadium. Thanks guys.
Game of the Week New York Giants at Philadelphia (NYG -1.5) Mummer: Philadelphia I have no defense for picking Philly. I think the NYG defense is filthy, and Brandon Jacobs punishes the opposing team. I just feel like Philly is gonna show up for this one.
LMoH: Giants I too think the Eagles arrive. However, I just can't pick against the Giants. They have proven me wrong too many times.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Kansas City at San Diego (SD -4.5) Mummer: San Diego Not one must watch player between these two teams. Don't even think about saying LT.
LMoH: Chargers I would say Phillip Rivers. The guy is having a great season considering he is getting no help from anyone.
New Orleans at Atlanta (ATL -2) Mummer: Atlanta LMoH: Falcons
Tennessee at Chicago (TEN -2) Mummer: Tennessee LMoH: Titans Side note: I loved the Bears in this one until Orton went down.
Jacksonville at Detroit (JAC -3.5) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Jaguars
Seattle at Miami (MIA -7) Mummer: Miami LMoH: Seahawks
Green Bay at Minnesota (MIN -1) Mummer: Green Bay LMoH: Packers
Buffalo at New England (NE -1.5) Mummer: Buffalo LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at New York Jets (NYJ -7.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Rams
Baltimore at Houston (BAL -1) Mummer: Houston LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Oakland (CAR -9.5) Mummer: Carolina LMoH: Panthers
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh (PIT -6.5) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Steelers
San Francisco at Arizona (ARI -8.5) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Cardinals
Let’s jump right into this. Kellen Winslow lost that game last night. His fumble in the 4th quarter leads to a TD, and then he lets the ball slip through his hands to end the game. I can’t be the only one that feels he’s way overdue for a blanket party. Willie McGinest needs to get this done.
Oh and while we’re at it, can we get Brandon McDonald a bed out there? He was sleepwalking through the entire game! Then, just to make sure everyone knew that he was tired he lays down in the end zone to take a nap so Brandon Marshall could kill my hopes of having a good fantasy and reality weekend.
Why do Joe Paterno press conferences look like they are being broadcast from 1973? I keep waiting for the camera to pull back on Joe Pa to reveal Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems standing in the background.
The Nike commercial with LT and Troy Polamalu might be the greatest commercial in years. Rivaled only by last years “Leave Nothing” commercial with Steven Jackson and Shawn Merriman where they leap through different games while going the length of the football field.
Speaking of great commercials, do yourself a favor and burn an hour perusing this site.
Jim Carrey has obviously reached the end of his career. Why else would he remake "Liar, Liar"?
And finally, the Little Mime of Hate and I had a little disagreement as to whether or not Chris Meloni is in “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III”, more affectionately known as “Turtles in Time”. I maintain that he is, but he proved me wrong by emailing me the cast from IMDB.com. I know Meloni is in this movie, and before you respond saying that I’m mistaking him for Elias Koteas, know that I am aware of the difference and still maintain that Meloni is in the movie. My homework for you the reader is to go rent “TMNT 3” and tell me if Meloni is in it. I don’t want to waste the money.
I really hate Thursday night NFL games, it throws my whole week out of whack. Setting my fantasy football lineup on a Wednesday is only something I should have to do if I'm going out of town. Not to mention, now we have to make our NFL picks two days sooner than normal. All because Roger Goodell is a dick.
Because of this we've decided that all Thursday night games will be referred to as "Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Plus as an added bonus this week, because the Browns are playing, it's also the "Hometown Game of the Week", thus giving us the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Now, on to the pick.
Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week Sponsored by Roger Goodell
Denver at Cleveland (CLE -1) Mummer: Cleveland Brady Quinn gets the start. Finally! The only problem is that he gets one day of practice with the first team to get ready. Normally this would worry me, but HE'S BRADY FREAKIN QUINN! I'm more worried about Derek Anderson being able to adjust to the pine pony. Luckily he spent some time their before last year, so he knows what to expect. Also, I really want to draw some attention to how fortunate we are to have Josh Cribbs on this team. We all know his ability to take one the distance at any moment. But what often goes unnoticed is his ability to make tackles on the coverage team. He's unbelievable. He gets to balls quicker than Tom Brady's mouth, and that's saying something. Do yoursef a favor tomorrow and checkout his coverage skills. Really a thing of beauty.
LMoH: Browns I am only picking the Browns because it is the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week", otherwise I would take the Broncos. The real reason I like the Browns in this game is because Brady Quinn is starting. I believe Quinn is going to have a pretty rough night, 100-125 yards, 2-3 picks and maybe a touchdown. What makes the game appealing to me is Jamal Lewis. I think we are going to see a healthy dose of Lewis tonight, both rushing and receiving. This how the Browns get the win tonight. On a side note, would the Browns please wise up and move Winslow to the slot and start Heiden at TE. Please?!? For the love of God, please!?!
In a perfect world the University of Michigan would have taken a better look at Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz. In a perfect world the Michigan players would have responded well to the coaching change and played out of their minds this season. In a perfect world Michigan wouldn’t have had 2 of its worst recruiting classes ever the last 2 seasons. In a perfect world Sam McGuffie would be closing in on an invitation to New York. In a perfect world this Michigan football team would be willing to play 4 quarters of football. In a perfect world Uncle Rico would be able to get his players to play 4 quarters of football. In a perfect world Uncle Rico would accept he doesn’t have the talent for the spread offense and wait to implement it. In a perfect world Michigan wouldn’t be ending it’s 33 year run of Bowl games. In a perfect world Uncle Rico wouldn’t have called Michigan State their biggest rival.
But alas, it is not a perfect world and as a result, I can’t even tell you who Michigan played today. It’s not because I have lost my faith in the program or am no longer a fan. It’s unwatchable. I’d rather watch a bad WNBA game. They are playing bad football and to cap it off, they are a poorly managed team. However, there is a bright spot. Maybe, just maybe, there is a reason Uncle Rico isn’t getting 4 quarters of football out of his team. They are only using half of their playbook. Maybe the Michigan State comment was an attempt to throw-off the Buckeyes. Maybe, he has a whole separate game plan. Maybe he has realized that in his first season he doesn’t have to go 11-1 to keep his job. He only has to go 1-11. If that one is Ohio State. The Mummer has heard me say it 100 times, I have no problem going 1-11 if they beat Ohio State. Of course I want National and Big Ten Championships. What I want even more is to see the Buckeye’s weep at the hands of the Maize and Blue. It would certainly appear that day will not come this year. In fact, this is the first season I can remember that I actually conceded the game to all of my Ohio State buddies. Maybe, just maybe Uncle Rico will make a liar of me.
We're trying out a new format for the picks this week. Instead of just doing picks we're going to submit our choices for Game of the Week, Irrelevant Game of the Week, and the Browns matchup. Doing a capsule for every game proved tedious and extremely boring. Hopefully this will be a welcome change. As always, feel free to play along.
Game of the Week Green Bay at Tennessee (TEN -2.5) Mummer: Tennessee I know they have to lose at some point, but I don't think it will be against a high profile team. See week 14.
LMoH: Titans I really like Tennessee rightnow. Who doesn't? I was able to watch them for the first time last week/ Guess what? They are fun to watch. What bothers me is, how does a 7-0 have a starting QB that is not claimed in the majority of Fantasy Football Leagues. I like them again this week, however, I think the Bears have a great shot taking them down next week.
Irrelevant Game of the Week Atlanta at Oakland (ATL -4.5) Mummer: Atlanta Jamarcus Russel has a full season on Matt Ryan, yet Ryan continues to perform at a higher level. It's nice to see that passing on Adrian Peterson is working out so well for them.
LMoH: Falcons Come on now Mummer, that's a cheap shot. Passing on Peterson was absolutely the right thing to do. You don't draft a guy with that many injury problems number one overall. Hindsight always 20/20.
Hometown Game of the Week Baltimore at Cleveland (EVEN) Mummer: Cleveland If you've been waiting for the perfect game to bet on this season, then Merry Christmas. Flacco threw two INT's against Cleveland earlier this year at Baltimore. With the weather in Cleveland forecast to be cold, and Cleveland's run defense stepping up, Baltimore will be looking to throw more. Bad news for a rookie QB. Bet the farm on Cleveland.
LMoH: Browns I don't about betting the farm. The Ravens are a scrappy team. Having said that, if Sean Rogers can continue his tear, the Browns win easy.
New York Jets at Buffalo (BUF -3) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Bills
Detroit at Chicago (CHI -8.5) Mummer: Detroit LMoH: Bears
Jacksonville at Cincinnati (JAC -4.5) Mummer: Jacksonville LMoH: Jags
Tampa Bay at Kansas City (TB -6.5) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Bucs
Arizona at St. Louis (ARI -4) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Cardinals
Houston at Minnesota (HOU -1) Mummer: Minnesota LMoH: Titans
Miami at Denver (DEN -1) Mummer: Denver LMoH: Miami
Dallas at New York Giants (NYG -8.5) Mummer: Dallas LMoH: Giants
Philadelphia at Seatle (PHI -5.5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH: Eagles
New England at Indianapolis (EVEN) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Patriots
Pittsburgh at Washington (EVEN) Mummer: Washington LMoH: Redskins
Well the Cavs have gotten off to a great start. Nothing like opening a season the same way you ended the last. Apparently the team got their fourth quarter "Face Plant Offense" from the Cavs Scream Team.
Luckily, we get the Bobcats tonight. By the way, Kudos to the Bobcats for hiring Larry Brown. Anybody that gets fired in favor of Isaiah Thomas has to be good.
P.S. It sounds like there's going to be an open position on the Scream Team now.
The epic battle between myself and the Little Mime of Hate is dead even. Unfortunately in the grand scheme of things we both suck. Let's get to the picks.
Tampa Bay at Dallas (TB -1.5) Mummer: Dallas Little Mime of Hate: Tampa Bay
Washington at Detroit (WAS -8) Mummer: Washington LMoH: Washington
Buffalo at Miami (BUF -3.5) Mummer: Buffalo LMoH: Buffalo
St. Louis at New England (NE -4) Mummer: New England LMoH: New England
San Diego at New Orleans (SD -2) Mummer: San Diego LMoH: San Diego
Kansas City at New York Jets (NYJ -8.5) Mummer: New York Jets LMoH: Kansas City
Atlanta at Philadelphia (PHI -5) Mummer: Philadelphia LMoH: Philadelphia
Arizona at Carolina (CAR -2) Mummer: Arizona LMoH: Arizona
Oakland at Baltimore (BAL -6) Mummer: Oakland LMoH: Oakland
Cincinnati at Houston (HOU -5.5) Mummer: Houston LMoH: Cincinnati
Cleveland at Jacksonville (JAC -2) Mummer: Cleveland LMoH: Cleveland
New York Giants at Pittsburgh (PIT -1.5) Mummer: New York Giants LMoH: New York Giants
Seattle at San Francisco (SF -6.5) Mummer: San Francisco LMoH: Seattle
Indianapolis at Tennessee (TEN -4.5) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Tennessee
I have no less than three versions of this post saved on my computer with each one going off in completely different directions. The first one I is about how the game tomorrow night scares the shit out of me, which in turn leads me to talk about how Tressel has lost the trust of every Buckeye fan. The other is about how if Ohio State wins tomorrow night they won’t move more than two spots in the rankings. Of course from there I go on about Oklahoma’s easy schedule up to this point and how Penn State plays virtually the same opponents as OSU but get more love. Needless to say, there are a lot of things about this season that have me fired up. Oh, and let’s just go ahead and get this out there. The Big Ten from top to bottom is not soft. At the beginning of the year I would have agreed with you, but take a look at the Big Ten standings. Penn State, Ohio State, Michigan State, Minnesota, and Northwestern all have 6+ wins. Follow those up with very dangerous Illinois and Wisconsin teams and you have a respectable conference. Let’s move on.
This game tomorrow is huge for the Big Ten. It showcases the two best teams from the confrence in prime time.
Ohio State wins, they jump back into the national championship talk and you’ll hear a lot of stories about how this is a very different OSU team with Pryor at the helm. If Penn State wins, they’re a virtual lock to make the championship game. The only speed bump may come from a finale at Michigan State.
I know this is tough to hear, but as an Ohio State fan you should be happy no matter what the result of this game is. The Big Ten needs to start earning some respect back and I don’t care if it’s Ohio State or Penn State representing the Big Ten in the title game. A strong showing in the National Championship is going to pay off in the long run for all Big Ten teams.
Kellen Winslow The Browns suspended Kellen Winslow without pay for Sunday’s game against the Jags because he lashed out against the organization. Every once in a while I will scroll thru the message boards to see what people are saying about different stories. I was shocked at what I read this week. The overall support that Winslow is receiving from both the media and the fans is frightening to me. While I agree that the Browns aren’t exactly innocent in this whole charade, it is never acceptable as an employee to publically bash your organization. It’s a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. It makes the Browns look bad and it makes Winslow look bad. The ordeal should have been handled in house. Joe football fan should never have sniffed this story. If the Browns asked Winslow to cover up a Staph infection, the Browns are scum bags. Having said that, the Browns have been pretty good with Winslow considering that he only seems to make it thru an entire seasons when Haley’s Comet is visible.
The Bounty There is a lot of talk this week about the “The Bounty” that Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs had on Rashard Mendenhalh and Hines Ward. While I think both of the Ravens linebackers are thugs that the league would be better off without, who cares. The hit on Mendenhall was clean and they never got to Ward. The bottom line is, if they are playing clean football, what’s the problem? Now, if they start going after some guy on the sidelines that's hobbling around on crutches, there might be a problem.
And you thought your sports world was in disarray Things in Michigan are so bad right now, that hard working, red-blooded American men have turned to self mutilation. Uncle Rico has to get the Wolverines turned around quickly. If only to save the genitalia of the Wolverine Nation. October 17, 2008: Saginaw News: A 29-year-old Michigan man was been jailed over the weekend for "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash, the Saginaw News reports. The policeman who—responding to a call of "someone acting suspicious"—discovered the man in the act said, "I've seen some strange things, but this is the weirdest thing I ever heard."
Brett Farve So my favorite attention whore sold his soul to the Detroit Lions. While I have long questioned his character, I now find myself questioning is decision making abilities. Farve could have given the Lions the current Packers playbook and signal book and the results would have been the same. What was he thinking?
K2 Gets Swole And the award for most watched crotch of the weekend goes to…Kellen Winslow! Admit it, you were expecting him to run out of that tunnel pushing a wheel barrow full of swollen man berries.
Screw Geico Have you seen the new Allstate commercial with the 5000 teens who go out driving and never come back? It chokes me up every time.
Pacman Suspended Every day that goes by, I become more and more shocked that Pacman Jones has been suspended again. I really thought Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin were going to keep him on the straight and narrow.
The Little Mime of Hate is back this week (Read about his travels in the previous post) and we're ready to make you some money. Unfortunately, we aren't giving a commentary for our picks. No real reason except to say I'm extremely lazy.
San Diego at Buffalo (EVEN) Mummer: San Diego Little Mime of Hate: Bills
Minnesota at Chicago (CHI -1) Mummer: Chicago LMoH: Bears
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (PIT -8) Mummer: Pittsburgh LMoH: Bengals
Tennessee at Kansas City (TEN -8) Mummer: Tennessee LMoH: Titans
Dallas at St. Louis (DAL -6.5) Mummer: Dallas LMoH: Cowboys
Baltimore at Miami (MIA -3) Mummer: Miami LMoH: Ravens
San Francisco at New York Giants (NYG -6) Mummer: New York Giants LMoH: Giants
New Orleans at Carolina (EVEN) Mummer: Carolina LMoH: Saints
Detroit at Houston (HOU -5.5) Mummer: Detroit LMoH: Texans
New York Jets at Oakland (NYJ -4.5) Mummer: New York LMoH: Jets
Indianapolis at Green Bay (IND -1.5) Mummer: Indianapolis LMoH: Packers
Cleveland at Washington (WAS -2.5) Mummer: Cleveland LMoH: Browns They finally got their big win. I can now start picking them again.
Seattle at Tampa Bay (TB -8.5) Mummer: Tampa Bay LMoH: Bucs
Denver at New England (DEN -3) Mummer: Denver LMoH: Patriots
I had the misfortune of spending last weekend in the heart of SEC country. Beautiful, and I say that sarcastically, Tuscaloosa, Alabama. It’s not that Tuscaloosa is ugly. It pretty much the same as any other college town. I was largely disappointed in the talent of Tuscaloosa. I was looking forward to some good old fashioned southern girls. Unfortunately, it was not to be. On a side note, in my travels I have discovered that Austin wins that prize. There is just something about denim skirts, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. The Mummer definitely had it going on that weekend. While I did my best to represent the Big Ten proudly in what I equate to Dante’s 7th ring of hell, t wasn’t easy. These people love their football. It’s absolutely insane. Definitely the most passionate group of football fans I have ever been around. They make the most aggressive Big Ten fans seem like avid watchers. I wish I had a great story to insert here about how passionate they are. Unfortunately I do not. It’s just a feeling down there. I will say this, the Roll Tide Roll of Sweet Home Alabama has more oomph to it than the O-H-I-O of Hang On Sloopy. Maybe that’s that because I was surrounded by 50 inebriated Bama fans and only 5 inebriated Buckeye fans. And while I swore I wouldn’t shout out a Roll Tide Roll, as it goes against everything I believe in. They made a liar of me. After listening to my brother and his 5 drunk ass friends yell O-H… I-O for 3 days, I couldn’t wait to belt a good Roll Tide.
Like any good Shakespearian novel, Bama fans do have a fatal flaw. A flaw that almost found victim of a good old fashioned southern lynching. They do not, under any circumstances, on any day, no matter the time, think it’s funny when a Yankee says, “Yeah, but Nick Saban is an asshole! He’s the kind of guy that steals candy from small children.” Remember that scene from Wild West when Will Smith was trying to talk his way out of the noose. That was me. Despite my best efforts to remind them of exactly what a douche bag he is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvos4LH19uo, the rope became tighter and tighter. Finally, my buddies distracted the mob by pointing out that the bark pattern on the tree looked like Bear Bryant. As I mentioned earlier, I did my best to remind them that Saban is a terrible human being. also promised them that if Saban was still coaching at Alabama in 10 years I would gladly run naked up and down the main strip on campus with "Bama Sucks! Go Tigers!" painted on my chest and back à la Bruce Willis in "Die Hard with a Vengeance".. Again, they did not see my side. While I believe that Saban was a great short term hire. I also believe he is a long-term nightmare. Alas, they love Saban and nothing will change their minds. Unless of course, he starts saying things like, I will not be the next head coach of the Los Angeles Raiders!
The Little Mime of Hate is on vacation this week, so he's made his picks but will not be providing any commentary. Also, we won't be putting a up a prize for beating one or both of us this week. The reason is that I'm not sure what we would do if two people had the same win-loss total and beat both of us. We're not made of money here. Once we think of something though, the prize will be back on. Either way, feel free to try your hand.
Baltimore at Indianapolis (IND -1) Mummer: Indianapolis Troy Smith and Anthony Gonzalez back on the same field! Er...in the same stadium.
Little Mime of Hate: Ravens
Detroit at Minnesota (MIN -11) Mummer: Detroit I feel I need to defend this Detroit pick. At some point, Detroit is gonna get theirs, and Minnesota has not played all four quarters in any game this year. I think Minny wins, but not by 11.
Little Mime of Hate: Lions
Oakland at New Orleans (NO -7) Mummer: New Orleans Reggie Bush was a man possessed last weekend. If he performs half as well against Oakland, he'll have a huge day.
Little Mime of Hate: Saints
Cincinnati at New York Jets (NYJ -6.5) Mummer: New York Jets In 2005 Carson Palmer signed a deal keeping him in Cincinnati until 2014. Hey Carson, what's your biggest regret in life?
Little Mime of Hate: Cincinnati
Chicago at Atlanta (CHI -4) Mummer: Chicago Michael Turner's game stats:
Carolina at Tampa Bay (CAR -3.5) Mummer: Carolina "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" Let's go Panthers!
Little Mime of Hate: Bucs
St. Louis at Washington (WAS -13.5) Mummer: St. Louis If they win by 2 TD's, everyone better watch out.
Little Mime of Hate: Redskins
Miami at Houston (MIA -2) Mummer: Miami Miami is playing with the house's money right now.
Little Mime of Hate: Texans
Jacksonville at Denver (DEN -3.5) Mummer: Jacksonville Please let Mojo Drew have a big week, please!
Little Mime of Hate: Jaguars
Philadelphia at San Francisco (PHI -3.5) Mummer: Philadelphia There's always one game every week that is hard to find something to write about.
Little Mime of Hate: Eagles
Green Bay at Seattle (GNB -4) Mummer: Green Bay I take that back. This week, we have two.
Little Mime of Hate: Packers
Dallas at Arizona (DAL -4.5) Mummer: Dallas We're fixin to have a good ole fashion shoot out in the desert! Yee-haw!! Bang! Bang!
Little Mime of Hate: Cardinals
New England at San Diego (SD -2) Mummer: San Diego Because I hate Boston.
Little Mime of Hate: Patriots
New York Giants at Cleveland (NYG -7) Mummer: Cleveland Derek Anderson's QB Rating is 31st in the NFL. For those of you who don't understand what this means, let me put it this way. He's one spot ahead of Tyler Thigpen.
Tampa Bay over Green Bay, Kansas City over Denver, Washington over Dallas, and Chicago over Philly. What a great weekend for the Vegas casinos. Let's see how far off the mark we can be on our picks this week. As always, you can feel free to play along.
As an added bonus, I, The Little Mime of Hate, am willing to make it interesting. I am willing to throw in a $10 BestBuy gift card, if you the reader can pick the week 5 games better than I can. If you can "out pick" both The Mummer and myself, I will make it $25. Rules and Exclusions: *You can't be related to either of the Editor's. *There will be only one (1) winner. If by some miracle, we get two (2) entries, the individual that picks the most accurately will win. *Picks must be entered by 1200 eastern time on Sunday. That is 1600 utc if you are keeping score at home. *You must leave your name and email address in the comment. Anonymous contributor's will be publically mocked.
So there it is. Now is your opportunity to show how bad we are at this.
Seattle at New York Giants (NYG -5.5) Mummer: Seattle Name one starting wide receiver in this game. Go ahead...try.
Little Mime of Hate: Seahawks I heard the Seahawks were going to sign Reche Caldwell, but he wanted them to fix his bug eyes. After much deliberation the Seahawks decided the eye surgery was worth more than he was.
Washington at Philadelphia (Even) Mummer:Washington Definitely game of the week. I go with Washington because Westbrook is less than 100%.
LMoH: Philly It is very tough to take down the Eagles at home. I think the Redskins play them tough, but come up a field goal short.
San Diego at Miami (SD -5.5) Mummer: San Diego Someone please introduce Pennington to Teddy Ginn. It's enough already.
LMoH: Chargers Newsflash: Ted Ginn is a below average WR.
Kansas City at Carolina (CAR -8) Mummer: Kansas City I expect Larry Johnson to get no less than 60 carries in this game.
LMoH: Carolina 8 points is a lot of points. I just don't think the Chiefs can do it in back-to-back weeks.
Tennessee at Baltimore (Even) Mummer: Tennesse Apparently wins against Cleveland and Cincinnati get you an even line with the best team in the AFC.
LMoH: Tennessee I like what I am seeing out of Flacco. If he only had a receiver that wasn't 112 years old.
Indianapolis at Houston (IND -3) Mummer: Indianapolis Did I miss Manning and Harrison's 50th birthdays? God damn. They aged overnight.
LMoH: Colts It appears that Bob Sanders will be out again this week. This bodes well for me. I have Slaton and Addai starting this weekend in FFL. Both should have monster days.
Chicago at Detroit (CHI -4) Mummer: Detroit I'm going to plan my Sunday shit around this game. And by that I mean, I will be shitting during this game.
LMoH: Bears Are you kidding me? This game has a lot of intrigue. Forte vs. Johnson. Orton vs. Kitna. Lloyd vs. Johnson. Olsen vs. His hands. That's plenty to keep me interested.
Atlanta at Green Bay (GNB -4.5) Mummer: Green Bay I hope Rodgers watched that Jets game last week. He'll never be good enough.
LMoH: Packers Now you're just being an asshole.
Tampa Bay at Denver (DEN -3) Mummer: Denver Losing to KC has to leave a bad taste in your mouth.
LMoH: Tampa Tampa is an overachieving team right now. I like E. Graham to go off in this game.
Cincinnati at Dallas (DAL -10.5) Mummer: Dallas Chad Johnson has said he will kiss the star at mid-field in Dallas after scoring a TD. I can only hope that TO channels his inner Ed Norton when this goes down.
LMoH: Dallas I want to hear Adam Jones shouting... Put your mouth on the star! Put it on the star right now!
Buffalo at Arizona (BUF -4) Mummer: Buffalo I need Lee Evans to bring it this week and live up to that new contract. My fantasy team hinges on him doing well.
LMoH: Buffalo Well then your fantasy team is totally screwed. Way to draft a dependable wide receiver.
New England at San Francisco (Even) Mummer: San Francisco That's right New England SUCK ONE!
LMoH: Patriots Come on now. Angry Bill coming of a Bye week. I'll take the Pats.
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville (Even) Mummer: Jacksonville The Steelers added Najeh Davenport to their roster for this weekend. Did you know he shit in a woman's laundry basket in her college dorm room? True story.
LMoH:Steelers Let me tell you about Jerome Bettis...Ah forget it! As down as the Stillers are right now, I don't think they are bad enough to lose 2 straight.
Minnesota at New Orleans (NO -2.5) Mummer: Minnesota Make sure you bring your note book Reggie, cuz Adrian's gonna bring it ALL DAY!
LMoH: Saints Really? That was really terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself!
So, I was getting ready to write this great post about how all three of the Cincinnati Bengals QB's look like they were expelled from the same uterus. Here I come to find out, two of them actually were! How was this not a bigger story? And why in the name of holy fuck isn't their a Manning Bros. vs. Palmer Bros. Double-Stuffed Oreo's rivalry!? The Palmer Bros., which by the way sound more like a heating and cooling team, really missed the boat on that one. And could Fitzpatrick look any more like he just rolled out of bed after a night of being force-fed bong water by frat guys?
As for the game, and I'm using that term loosely, that was played on Sunday, I think Anderson may have finally, possibly, kind of turned the corner for us this season. It sucks that this comes before the bye week, but at this point I'll take anything. I fully believe that if Anderson didn't do something to help us win that game, we would be hearing that Brady Quinn is now the starter and will have two weeks to prepare for his first opponent. It would have been a perfect scenario, except for the fact that his first opponent would be the New York Giants. That's definitely not a team you want Quinn to get his feet wet with. But then again, is there a team remaining on our schedule that you would want him to start against? It's gonna get really ugly before this season is over.
As the Mummer knows, I have some issues with women's sports. For the most part, I am not a macho guy. One good look at me and you will understand that. It's not that I think women aren’t athlete’s or that women’s sports aren’t actually sports. If you want to watch pure basketball, women’s basketball is where it’s at. They pass, they play defense and they even shoot well. The problem is, it’s boring. I don’t want to see a fast break end with a wicked reverse lay-up. I want to see a two handed, reverse windmill, take-off from the free throw line dunk. The kind that makes the backboard shake like Christina Aguillera getting her monthly STD test at the free clinic.
If you want the god’s honest truth, politically correctness is the main reason I despise women’s sports. Title IX may have done “great things” for women’s sports. The problem is, women’s sports don’t make money. They need the men’s teams to support their teams. Yet we have to cut men’s sports so that UTEP can have a chick Cricket team. Even worse, ESPN and the other three major networks force it down our throats. If we wanted to see women’s sports, there would be more then 10 fans at a WNBA game. The numbers don’t lie.
The reason for this little rant is CNNSI.com. You know how they do their picture features? Well I stumbled across one that was dedicated to the best female athletes in the world. I shant bore you with all 23. There are only 3 that I am interested in.
#1 – Danica Patrick. First-off, drivers are not athletes. They are very talented at what they do. But they are not athletes. I know what you’re going to say, “You couldn’t do what they do!”. You are absolutely right. I couldn’t. I also can’t solve equations. Does that mean the UCLA Match team is chock full of “athletes”? Second, she has won exactly one race. ONE! One stinking race! To be fair, that is one more win the Ana Kournikova has.
#7 - Paula Radcliffe. I have posted her picture below. Is that really what an athlete looks like? She looks like she should be in a Sally Struthers commercial.
On a side note, how did she squeeze that kid out without breaking every bone in her body?
#17 - Jessica Long. No jokes here. This is some serious stuff. Here is what CNNSI.com had to say: “Long, a bilateral below-the-knee amputee, won the 2007 Sullivan Award and was named USA Swimming's Disability Swimmer of the Year. Long, who began swimming competitively in 2002, won three gold medals at the '04 Paralympic Games and will be looking for more in Beijing.”
Both of her legs have been amputated just below the knee. She is incredible. She is an inspiration. But apparently, she is not as talented as Danica Patrick. I am stunned.
What a difference a week makes. Somehow I posted an impressive 11-4 record last week. That's right, 11-4. You may be asking, how could I possibly have gone 11-4 if there were 16 games last week? Well my friends, that's a great question. Let's take a look at the week 4 lines.
Minnesota at Tennessee (TEN -1.5) Mummer: Tennessee How about the loser of this game has to drop an "N" from their name.
Little Mime of Hate: Tennessee This is a tough one. But for some reason, my man crush is shifting slightly to Kerry Collins.
Denver at Kansas City (DEN -11) Mummer: Denver Yikes.
LMoH:Denver I really think K.C. Might have a chance to cover here. It just that, they are so, so bad.
San Francisco at New Orleans (NO -2.5) Mummer: San Francisco What do you get when put San Fran and New Orleans together? Anal beads. Editors Note: We're better than that joke.
LMoH: New Orleans You're an idiot. Even though I still think Bush is a bust, I think the Niners are an even bigger bust.
Arizona at New York Jets (EVEN) Mummer: New York Jets I refuse to make a joke about the age of these two QB's. Dick Vitale: Look at those Diaper Dandies!
LMoH: Arizona I think Farve is starting to figure out he gets more press when he loses. I expect that attention whore to go out and lay an egg, and then roll around naked in the press clippings.
Green Bay at Tampa Bay (GNB -3) Mummer: Green Bay Can you really trust a guy that couldn't win the starting job in Chicago?
LMoH: Green Bay It wouldn't surprise me if the Packers win but fail to cover.
Atlanta at Carolina (CAR -4.5) Mummer: Carolina How in the hell did I forget to do a Michael Vick joke last week? Atlanta was just a 45 minute drive from Leavenworth!
LMoH: Falcons This is one of those games that is tough for me. I don't expect the Falcons to win, but I don't like the Panthers to cover.
Houston at Jacksonville (JAC -7.5) Mummer: Jacksonville Make way for the Sage Rosenfels era!
LMoH: Houston I think the Jags are in for a big time let down after last week. They do win this game, just not by 8.
Cleveland at Cincinnati (CIN -3.5) Mummer: Cleveland Oh boy.
LMoH: Cincinnati I'm not falling for it. I am not picking the Brown's again until they get a win. By the way Mummer, I am a little dissappointed in you. No Brady Quinn reference this week?
San Diego at Oakland (SD -8.5) Mummer: San Diego I've got nothing for this game.
LMoH: Oakland Chargers win, Raiders cover.
Buffalo at St. Louis (BUF -9) Mummer: Buffalo Yea, Marc Bulger was the reason this team wasn't winning...
LMoH: Buffalo I heard that in order to turn things around, they are going to hire Matt Millen as the head of football operations.
Washington at Dallas (DAL -7) Mummer: Dallas How is Michael Irvin not in jail? I've been reading bits and pieces from this new book "Boys will be Boys" by Jeff Pearlman, and I'm just amazed that he's not catching passes from Michael Vick right now.
LMoH: Dallas I think it was better when you weren't writing Michael Vick jokes.
Philadelphia at Chicago (PHI -7) Mummer: Chicago A Westbrook injury would justify me in taking Adrian Peterson with the first pick in the fantasy draft.
LMoH: Eagles We are only in week 4 and you are already trying to justify the "All Day" draft pick. It's okay. Addai at #2 is working out nicely for me. I have no complaints.
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (PIT -1.5) Mummer: Baltimore The Ravens have submitted tape to the NFL accusing the Browns of gouging the eyes of Willis McGahee on more than one play. Is this really what the Browns have been reduced to? A bunch of schoolyard girls poking the eyes of a superior opponent. Someone please make a fire Romeo Crennel site.
LMoH: Baltimore Did they also pull his hair and spit on him? That's good stuff. A banged up Ben and a fired up Ravens defense makes for a long night in the 'Burgh.
