Roll! Tide! Roll!

I had the misfortune of spending last weekend in the heart of SEC country. Beautiful, and I say that sarcastically, Tuscaloosa, Alabama. It’s not that Tuscaloosa is ugly. It pretty much the same as any other college town. I was largely disappointed in the talent of Tuscaloosa. I was looking forward to some good old fashioned southern girls. Unfortunately, it was not to be. On a side note, in my travels I have discovered that Austin wins that prize. There is just something about denim skirts, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. The Mummer definitely had it going on that weekend. While I did my best to represent the Big Ten proudly in what I equate to Dante’s 7th ring of hell, t wasn’t easy. These people love their football. It’s absolutely insane. Definitely the most passionate group of football fans I have ever been around. They make the most aggressive Big Ten fans seem like avid watchers. I wish I had a great story to insert here about how passionate they are. Unfortunately I do not. It’s just a feeling down there. I will say this, the Roll Tide Roll of Sweet Home Alabama has more oomph to it than the O-H-I-O of Hang On Sloopy. Maybe that’s that because I was surrounded by 50 inebriated Bama fans and only 5 inebriated Buckeye fans. And while I swore I wouldn’t shout out a Roll Tide Roll, as it goes against everything I believe in. They made a liar of me. After listening to my brother and his 5 drunk ass friends yell O-H… I-O for 3 days, I couldn’t wait to belt a good Roll Tide.

Like any good Shakespearian novel, Bama fans do have a fatal flaw. A flaw that almost found victim of a good old fashioned southern lynching. They do not, under any circumstances, on any day, no matter the time, think it’s funny when a Yankee says, “Yeah, but Nick Saban is an asshole! He’s the kind of guy that steals candy from small children.” Remember that scene from Wild West when Will Smith was trying to talk his way out of the noose. That was me. Despite my best efforts to remind them of exactly what a douche bag he is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvos4LH19uo, the rope became tighter and tighter. Finally, my buddies distracted the mob by pointing out that the bark pattern on the tree looked like Bear Bryant. As I mentioned earlier, I did my best to remind them that Saban is a terrible human being. also promised them that if Saban was still coaching at Alabama in 10 years I would gladly run naked up and down the main strip on campus with "Bama Sucks! Go Tigers!" painted on my chest and back à la Bruce Willis in "Die Hard with a Vengeance".. Again, they did not see my side. While I believe that Saban was a great short term hire. I also believe he is a long-term nightmare. Alas, they love Saban and nothing will change their minds. Unless of course, he starts saying things like, I will not be the next head coach of the Los Angeles Raiders!