Yes, we’re a little behind in addressing the recent layoffs for the Cleveland Browns. But in our defense, we’re both incredibly lazy and I’m almost 99% sure no one even reads this stuff. That being said, no one saw the Crennel and Savage firings as shocking news material. When you’re team doesn’t score an offensive touchdown the last six weeks of the season, it’s a pretty good bet that you’re shit is gonna be on the front lawn the day after the season ends.

So now the Browns are on the hunt for the next coach that will lead us to the promised land. Will it be Mangini? Maybe Cowher has a change of heart? How about landing the over hyped Shannahan? The latest reports say that it will be Mangini and Scott Pioli from the Patriots with Crennel being brought back as the Defensive Coordinator. Not a bad scenario.

What are your thoughts?

So Brady Quinn got punched in the eye. How random is that? The Browns QB’s aren’t even safe off the field. I for one can not wait until this season is over and done with. I’d really like to shift the focus of our blog from the Browns to the Cavs. The Cavs are good.

On to the picks.


Game of the Week
Miami at New York Jets (MIA -1)
Mummer: New York Jets
The Jets need to win this game. You can’t miss the playoffs by losing to a team that went 1-15 last year but is now 10-6 because your QB from a year ago is having his best year as a pro. I know the smart pick is the Dolphins because of the revenge factor and Brett Favre’s shoulder issues, but I just can’t pick against Favre somehow finding a way to win this one.

LMoH: Dolphins
Brett Farve is a dick. 

Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at Cincinnati (EVEN)
Mummer: Kansas City
If I asked you how many rushing yards Larry Johnson has, what would your answer be? 400? 500? How about 856? That’s right; he’s one big game away from being a 1,000 yard rusher. If this happens, can we all agree that 1,000 yards in a season is no longer the bench mark for a great running back?

LMoH: Chiefs

I agree. I think it is entirely overrated.  But that is only if Johnson reaches it this year.

Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (PIT -9.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
This game is gonna get fucking ugly, Fugly if you will. Do you know who Richard Bartel is? Do you know where Tarleton State is? If your answer put’s Richard Bartel as the heir to the “Bartles and Jaymes” fortune, and Tarleton Sate in the great state of Tarleton, you should be probably go play in traffic. Surprisingly, Richard Bartel is the Browns new second-string QB, and Tarleton State is in the great state of ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! There weren’t any other QB’s available!?! How is Josh Cribbs not listed as QB1 and Gradkowski as QB2? Cribbs was more successful at the collegiate level than both of them combined. This is why Crennel needs to be fired.

LMoH: Steelers
What he said.

The Rest
St. Louis at Atlanta (ATL -10.5)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Rams

New England at Buffalo (NE -5.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Pats

Detroit at Green Bay (GNB -5.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Lions

Tennessee at Indianapolis (IND -1.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Titans

New York Giants at Minnesota (NYG -1)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Giants

Carolina at New Orleans (CAR -1.5)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Panthers

Oakland at Tampa Bay (TB -5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs

Chicago at Houston (CHI -4)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears

Washington at San Francisco (EVEN)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins

Jacksonville at Baltimore (BAL -6.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Ravens

Dallas at Philadelphia (PHI -1.5)
Mummer: Dallas
LMoH: Cowboys

Seattle at Arizona (ARI -4.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Seahwaks

Denver at San Diego (SD -7)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Broncos

Hey! Check out what the Cavs think is gonna be a great idea!

“On Christmas Day's game with the Washington Wizards at The Q, Nike will debut a "chalk" version of James' signature shoe. It will feature a silhouette of his well-known ritual of tossing the chalk or rosin into the air before games on the tongue.

And the Cavs are getting the fans into the act as well, all fans will get a packet of chalk to throw in the air after pregame introductions along with James.”
Courtesy of The Plain Dealer

No way this ends well. Cleveland fans have never shown that they can handle anything with class, and I love it. See Exhibit A and Exhibit B, and after this chalk throwing game I introduce you to Exhibit C.

I’m going to break away from our normal sports theme to talk a little bit about some upcoming movies. To see the trailer, just click the title of each section. This should be fun for everyone.

Valkyrie
I was really excited about this movie, up until I saw the trailer and noticed Tom Cruise decided to give the middle finger to the German community and go with an American accent for his role. Understand he is playing a German officer by the name of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg. That name reeks of sauerkraut and schnitzels yet Cruise decides he wants to be a douche and ruin a potentially great film.

7 Pounds
The trailer for this movie is about as vague as a Patriots injury report. What is the point of this fucking movie!?! Does he have the flu? The world’s biggest turd? Please tell me.

Yes Man
I’ve already mentioned in an earlier post that this is essentially “Liar, Liar 2”. Instead of not being able to tell a lie for a day, he has to say yes to everything for a year. Wow, genius.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Brad Pitt plays a character that is born as an elderly man and gets younger as time progresses. It’s adapted from the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story by the same name. Do yourself a favor and read the story. It’s fantastic and a quick read.

Batman 3
I’m calling it Batman 3 because the film has yet to be given a name. This has to be one of the most highly anticipated movies and it doesn’t even have a script yet. Rumors are flying as to who the next villain(s) will be, and who they will cast for the role(s). Two of the biggest rumors that need to be commented on are Eddie Murphy as the Riddler, and Shia LaBeouf as Robin. In no way shape or form can they let Eddie Murphy be the Riddler. Did you see Norbit? I’ve read obituaries that were funnier than that piece of shit. As far as Robin goes, Christian Bale has gone on record stating he will not show up for work if Robin is introduced into the film series. Not to mention, who would want to be in the unenviable position of following Chris O’Donnell as the boy wonder?

Well that’s all for now, if we get a positive response I’ll do another one. If we don’t, I won’t. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Alright kiddies, you’re gonna get one monstrous version of our picks this week. Because the NFL is now playing games on Saturday, we figured it best to just put out one large post with all the picks.
Before we get to the picks though, did anyone see Stu Scott on Monday Night Football? He was holding a green and white golf umbrella down on the sidelines during the game. As soon as I saw that I immediately thought “Scary Poppins”. That eye isn’t doing anyone any favors. If someone has a picture of this, please send it to me.

On to the picks.


Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stewart Scott’s Creepy Ass Eyeball
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (IND -8.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
Unless the Colts jump into a time machine, I don’t see them beating anyone by 9.

LMoH: Colts
I do like the Colts. With or without Joseph Addai. I think they are poised to make a big run here at the end of the season.

Game of the Week
Carolina at New York Giants (CAR -4.5)
Mummer: New York Giants
There are easily three great match-ups for this week. Ultimately, this one should provide the most action. I’m completely sold on DeAngelo Williams, he’s a freak.

LMoH: Giants
I think it comes down to Brandon Jacobs. The Giants go as he goes.

Irrelevant Game of the Week
Houston at Oakland (HOU -4)
Mummer: Houston
I gave serious consideration to combining the “Irrelevant” game and the “Hometown” game to create the “Shittiest Hometown Game of the Century”. Lucky for the Browns, it would have fucked with the format we’ve been going with for the past few weeks.

LMoH: Texans
Really? -4? Really?

Hometown Game of the Week
Cincinnati at Cleveland (EVEN)
Mummer: Cleveland
I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think of something to say about this game. I’ve got nothing.

LMoH: Bengals
See post titled "I have a question".

The Rest
Baltimore at Dallas (DAL -1)
Mummer: Baltimore
LMoH: Cowboys

New Orleans at Detroit (NO -5.5)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Lions
Editor's note: I will be picking the Lion's this week and next. They are going to win a game and I am going to take credit for picking it.

Pittsburgh at Tennessee (PIT -5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
LMoH: Steelers

Miami at Kansas City (MIA -6)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Dolphins

San Francisco at St. Louis (SF -4)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Niners

Arizona at New England (NE -3)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots

San Diego at Tampa Bay (TB -3)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs

New York Jets at Seattle (NYJ -3.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Seahawks
Editor's note: Make sure you take part in Brett Farve's 4th farewell tour.

Buffalo at Denver (DEN -2.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Bronco's

Philadelphia at Washington (PHI -5.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Redskins

Atlanta at Minnesota (MIN -2)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Falcons

Green Bay at Chicago (CHI -7)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Packers

Here is a snippet from ESPN's daily NBA bullets: "There's a new book coming out by Mark Hyman (he has a blog) called "Until it Hurts.""

His name is Mark Hyman and he wrote a book called "Until it Hurts." Say that out loud one more time. I am not even going to try and follow that up. No matter what I write, it won't be as funny as anything you the reader came up with. Though I would love to get some feedback on this one.

Just a couple of quick notes before I head off to bed. One, the Browns suck. They suck bad. The kind of sucking that if you were really, really drunk and it was some nasty chick you brought home from the bar, you would either beg her to leave or pass out and hope she's gone when you wake up. Unfortunately, the Browns will still be here tomorrow when we all wake up. Rest easy Lions fans, you are the most disgusting team in the NFL in record only. Two, I have opened up a two game lead on the Mummer in the weekly predictions race with only two weeks to play (not including the postseason). I think for the next two weeks I am just going to pick every game exactly the same as the Mummer and guarantee myself the season victory. Three, goodnight everyone. It's time to go cry myself to sleep. 

Last second add-on

I was just getting ready to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed when I saw this... You perverts, read above, the tissues are for my weekly post Browns game weeping. You sick SOB's. Anyway, when I saw the highlight below. At least the Vikings were able to sack up tonight and save the day for the great city of Cleveland. 

We're both off to a good start this week. I'm not feeling particularly entertaining tonight, so let's get right to it.


Game of the Week
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Baltimore has been able to put up the points this year, but Pittsburgh is rolling right now. I'm gonna ride it out.

LMoH: Ravens
I don't know why. I just have a feeling. Usually that means I am wrong.

Irrelevant Game of the Week
Seattle at St. Louis (EVEN)
Mummer: Seattle
Ummm...so how bout them Indians.

LMoH: Seahawks
Did they sign Kerry Wood? What a waste.

Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Philadelphia (PHI -9.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
This will be the first time I have picked against the Browns all year. Dorsey is miserable and it's apparent the team has quit on Crennel. But hey, at least Kellen wants to be a Brown next year.

LMoH: Eagles
They're (the Browns) Shitty!

The Rest
Tampa Bay at Atlanta (ATL -2)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Falcons

Washington at Cincinnati (WAS -9.5)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins

San Francisco at Miami (MIA -2)
Mummer: San Francisco
This is actually a very interesting contest. San Fran has been playing inspired football and may catch Miami by surprise much the same way Miami caught teams by surprise early in the season. I was very close to making this the game of the week.

LMoH: Niners
I agree. I do believe the Dolphins are over achieving.

Buffalo at New York Jets (NYJ -5.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets

Detroit at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Colts

San Diego at Kansas City (SD -3)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Chargers

Green Bay at Jacksonville (GNB -1.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Packers

Tennessee at Houston (TEN -2.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Texans

Minnesota at Arizona (ARI -1.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals

Denver at Carolina (CAR -5.5)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Panthers

New England at Oakland (NE -4)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots

New York Giants at Dallas (NYG -2)
Mummer: New York Giants
LMoH: Cowboys

The Thursday night pick is back after a week off due to inebriation. Surprisingly, tonight’s game looks to be a pretty good match-up. But let’s put that discussion on hold for a second, we need to talk about this first.


Steve Young takes a cup to the face and doesn’t miss a beat! But it begs a few questions like, what if that cup had hit Stu Scott? Would he have had a Vietnam type flashback to the Juggs machine? Would the cup have corrected his fucked up eye? Why are Stu Scott and Emmit Smith dressed like they are going to the Arctic Circle? They are broadcasting from CHARLOTTE FUCKING NORTH CAROLINA! Oh and Steve, maybe you could teach that bob-and-weave move to Stu Scott. It might end up saving his other eye some day.

On to the game!

Juggs Machine Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stu Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball
New Orleans at Chicago (CHI -1)
Mummer: Chicago
Remember the last time Reggie Bush was at Soldier Field? When he pointed at Urlacher and then did a flip into the endzone? Yeah, I think Brian still remembers that.

LMoH: Bears
I always have a hard time picking against Brees and that offense. They are averaging like 130 points a game. That's impressive. However, I like the Bears defense and Matt Forte to do some damage tonight.

My apologies to the millions of readers who were disappointed to see we did not make our picks for the Thursday night game between San Diego and Oakland. The truth is I've been huffing crazy amounts of Elmer's glue and I thought it was Wednesday when in fact it was Thursday. Again, my apologies.


Game of the Week
Dallas at Pittsburgh (PIT -2)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh's field is a mess and Marion Barber would have had a big day for Dallas. His loss is too much to overcome.

LMoH: Steelers
With or without Barber, the Steelers win this by a touchdown. 

Irrelevant Game of the Week
Miami at Buffalo (MIA -1.5)
Mummer: Miami
So, the Cavaliers are playing insane basketball right now. I'm not sure if it's the addition of Mo Williams or the fact that the rest of the team is having career years, but it's fantastic. Next to the Lakers, the Cavs may have the best bench in the NBA. They look like a team on a mission. And yes, I'm refusing to comment on this Miami "at" Buffalo atrocity that will be played Sunday.

LMoH: Bills
Kobe Bryant is an asshole.

Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Tennessee (TEN -10.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
Is it crazy of me to think that Cleveland can keep it close, and possibly win, if Cribbs see's significant time behind center? I know he is a few years removed from being an every day QB but let's not forget, he wasn't terrible at Kent. Take a look at this story.

LMoH: Titans
By the way, BoDog has this at 14 and I still like the Titans. If the Lions and Browns were to play today, I would like the Lions by 2 TD's. 

The Rest
Jacksonville at Chicago (CHI -6.5)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears

Minnesota at Detroit (MIN -8)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH:Vikings

Houston at Green Bay (GNB -7.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Texans

Cincinnati at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Cincinnati
LMoH: Colts

Atlanta at New Orleans (NO -1.5)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons

Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -8.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Giants

Kansas City at Denver (DEN -8)
Mummer: Kansas City
LMoH: Broncos

New York Jets at San Francisco (NYJ -7.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets

New England at Seattle (NE -6.5)
Mummer: Seattle
LMoH: Patriots

St. Louis at Arizona (ARI -14)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Cardinals

Washington at Baltimore (BAL -7)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Ravens

Tampa Bay at Carolina (CAR -1)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Panthers

This may be the only hockey post you will ever see here, but I felt a post was needed so as to address the recent incident with Sean Avery. If you haven’t heard about this, here is the story.

I can’t believe he is referring to Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter as sloppy seconds. If that’s what an NHL player’s sloppy seconds looks like, then order me up some sloppy thirds and fourths, because this is what the average person’s sloppy seconds looks like.



Damn, that bitch is no joke.

Oh, and congratulations to Elisha Cuthbert on being known from here on out as the NHL merry-go-round.