The Cleveland Sports Mimes

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That's the Mamba I Rememba

While everyone is talking about the magnificent game 6 by the Celtics, and their championship run, I figured we would start the talk about how Kobe has destroyed basketball in the city of Los Angeles, for as long as he plays there. But first, let’s listen in on a conversation had between Mitch Kupchak and Kobe Bryant this morning.


Mamba: I mean, you need to get me some help out there. Someone that will put fear into the hearts of opponents. I need an enforcer down in the paint. Boston has an enforcer, and look what they just won. Get me an enforcer!
Kupchak: I see where you’re going here. You’re talking about a giant of a man with a bunch of tattoos. All he does is dunk, rebound, and push people out of his way. Maybe he calls himself “Diesel” or something to that effect.
Mamba: That’s what I’m talking about. You know someone in the NBA like that?
Kupchak: Yea, you ran him out of town four years ago. You ruined this franchise and your career. Have a nice day.


Well, maybe that conversation didn’t happen. But you know what, it’s probably not that far off. Kobe said he could do it on his own, that he didn’t need a big man, and that he could run the show. Now here we are, a few years later and Kobe’s back in the Finals. But don’t kid yourself, he did this with a big man. Pau Gasol is listed at 7 feet tall, just an inch shorter than Shaq. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way comparing Pau-derpuff Gasol to the Diesel. But in the end, Kobe needed that big man, but he wanted a big man on his terms. One that he could intimidate. No way Shaq is letting Kobe get away with those looks he gave Gasol. Kobe would have been swinging from the backboard by his underwear in atomic wedgie fashion.
So, where does Kobe go from here? Going into the playoffs, he was said to have the most complete team. But over the course of these playoffs, you saw him abandon the team aspect, and more importantly the triangle offense. And for the Phil Jackson coached Lakers, that means certain failure. If you’re Mitch Kupchak, you woke up today with a sinking feeling that back in 2004, maybe the wrong decision was made.

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