I initiated an email conversation with the LMoH the other day because of a SI.com article that said the Browns are interested in Beanie Wells. I say it would be a good pick, he disagrees. A conversation like this would be great for a radio show or podcast but since both of us have a face for radio and a voice for print, we’ll just let you read along. Keep in mind, quoted stats were done on the fly and may or may not be 100% accurate.
Mummer: This is good news for everybody in Cleveland.
LMoH: That is terrible news. You don’t NEED a running back right now. You WANT a running back right now. You NEED HELP DEFENSIVELY. Beanie Wells isn’t going to add another three or four wins next season. A solid linebacker and a solid DB just might. You are an idiot.
Oh and by the way, Lewis did go for 1,000 yards last year on a team that won four or five games. That’s pretty damn impressive. I say again… you sir… are an idiot.
Mummer: If you HAVE a top 5 PICK, you do NOT draft out OF need. You draft THE best player available. If WELLS is the best PLAYER available, you DRAFT him. You’re CAPITALIZATION of key WORDS makes me want TO slap you with a WHALES vagina.
LMoH: Two words…Willie Green.
Mummer: Willie Green was not NFL ready.
LMoH: You Ohio State fans are ridiculous. They are throwing a draft pick away by drafting him, even if he does become a Pro Bowl RB.
Mummer: Look at what Chris Johnson, Jonathan Stewart and Michael Turner did for their teams. I want that.
LMoH: I will grant you that. By the way, the Lions drafted the best player on the board four years in a row. I believe they went 0-16 last season. Maybe they should have drafted out of need a little more. I am stunned to hear you talk this way; you’re too smart for this.
Mummer: You are wrong there. The Lions didn’t have a top ten draft pick last year, I believe they had a mid-first round pick. The year before that was Megatron, the only reason they were competitive last year, and I’m not sure who they drafted in 2006. It was the years before that when they made the ignorant decisions to take Mike Williams and Charles Rogers. Either way, neither of those guys were top five picks. Wells however, is a top five pick. He is Larry Johnson reincarnated.
LMoH: My bad, but I’m sure you get the point though. And if by saying Beanie Wells is “Larry Johson reincarnated” you mean a running back that can only run behind an All-Pro line and is a cancer in the locker room, then sign me up. Sounds like a top five guy to me.
Mummer: You know what I mean. He has Larry Johnson-like skills.
In his defense, the O-Line he ran behind at OSU was sub-par and he still put up solid numbers. He’s the most NFL ready RB in the draft this year. Moreno is terrible.
LMoH: Because he is the most NFL ready running back doesn’t make him a top five pick. Lewis, Harrison and Wright are more than adequate RB’s. You have to fix the defense to be competitive. I could be wrong, but I believe three of the final four teams last year had defenses ranked one, two, and four. Even the much maligned Cardinals defense played impressive football throughout the playoffs. Like I said, I could be wrong.
Mummer: I agree that they need a linebacker, but I don’t know if you can take a LB at the fifth spot in this years draft. They absolutely can’t take Jenkins, that would be too high for him. That’s why I think Wells fits.
LMoH: Then trade down and get Rey Maualuga. We both agree he helps this team right now. I strongly disagree that Wells can help the team from day one.
Mummer: Wells is a much better long term option for the team. You get him for six years, Lewis has maybe two left in his tank. Guys like Wells don’t come around very often.
LMoH: You are killing me. You win with defense so start building it now. Every team in the league understands that you win with defense except the Browns, Lions and Bengals. They all did really well last year.
Mummer: You’re sarcasm in print makes you sound incompetent, not far off from how you come across in person. That being said, you can build a good defense in the second, third, and fourth, rounds. Look at Bob Sanders…2nd round, Joey Porter…3rd round, Jared Allen…4th round, James Harrison…undrafted. Not to mention, D’Qwell Jackson led the league in tackles last year, our linebackers aren’t terrible. We need a RB first, then DB.
LMoH: You disgust me, this whole thing disgusts me. If the Browns draft Wells I am done with them. DONE! The only team I will root for is the *Removed*, my fantasy team.
(Editors Note: In the interest of anonymity I will not post his fantasy football team name. But let’s just say it rhymes with “Dong Swallowing All-Star”.)
Mummer: The Defense was better than the Offense last year. That is fact.
LMoH: Which brings me to segment I’d like to steal outright from Saturday Night Live titled “Really, the Defense was better than the Offense, with the LMoH”
Really?
They gave up 20 or more points eight times, and 14 or more points thirteen times.
Really? They’re gonna win a Super Bowl with a defense that gets worked harder than that crusty towel in your closet?
They recorded 0 sacks in 6 games, and 1 sack in 5 games.
Really? Dakota Fanning has seen more sacks and she’s five.
They gave up 300 or more yards to a quarterback twice, including 400+ once, and 250+ four times.
Really? No wonder Derek Anderson was the starter for so long, he must have looked like Joe Montana in practice.
They gave up 150 yards to a single rusher three times, 100 yards or more eight times. And 80 or more yards ten times.
Really? I don’t have anything funny to say about that…it’s just sad.
They gave up 80 yards or more to a single receiver fourteen times, 90 or more ten times, 100 yards six times, and 150 twice.
Really? Wait a minute, I thought Crennel was a defensive guru.
So fine, the Defense might have been better than the Offense, but let’s face it, that isn’t saying much. Cleveland has drafted a player on Offense with 7 out of their 10 first round picks since they came back. Their record in that span is 54-106 with TWO seasons above 500. Maybe it’s time to try something a little different.
Mummer: Dakota Fanning is still five years old?
LMoH: Also, look at some of the top rushers for this year.
2. Michael Turner RB, ATL Drafted: 5th round
4. Clinton Portis RB, WAS Drafted: 2nd round
6. Steve Slaton RB, HOU Drafted: 3rd round
7. Matt Forte RB, CHI Drafted: 2nd round
9. Ryan Grant RB, GNB Drafted: N/A
11. Brandon Jacobs RB, NYG Drafted: 4th round
14. Frank Gore RB, SFO Drafted: 3rd
15. Derrick Ward RB, NYG Drafted: 7th round
Mummer: I refuse to believe that there is another player out there who will be as good as Wells when the pick gets to us. We need a RB of the future. We’ve needed one for the last 10 years. Defensive backs and linebackers are a dime a dozen. The Browns passed on LT a few years back as well…just an FYI.
LMoH: Yeah, they also passed on Adrian Peterson, both were good decisions at the time.
Mummer: If you have a chance to take either of those guys, who in my opinion are two of the best RB’s the NFL has seen over the last 15 years, you have to take them. I truly believe Beanie will be a great NFL RB, especially in the cold weather of Cleveland. He’s a cross between Peterson and Jacobs.
I rest my case.
Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
0
Monday, February 9, 2009
0
Good Luck with All That
You know who's ecstatic about this A-Rod story?
THIS GUY!
This mother fucker is accused of snorting coke off a toilet seat! In a public bathroom no less! If you were to give me $100 bucks to bend over and sniff a public toilet seat I'd tell you to go fuck your mother. I'd rather have a dead clown fall out of my pee hole than do that shit. But this guy not only gets that close but goes even further by putting his nose to the seat to get the coke! Unbelievable story and it's been buried because A-Rod tested positive for being a douche bag. Can we please get a photo of this bathroom stall? I really hope it looks something like this.
THIS GUY!
This mother fucker is accused of snorting coke off a toilet seat! In a public bathroom no less! If you were to give me $100 bucks to bend over and sniff a public toilet seat I'd tell you to go fuck your mother. I'd rather have a dead clown fall out of my pee hole than do that shit. But this guy not only gets that close but goes even further by putting his nose to the seat to get the coke! Unbelievable story and it's been buried because A-Rod tested positive for being a douche bag. Can we please get a photo of this bathroom stall? I really hope it looks something like this.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
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NFL Playoff Predictions
For the remainder of the season we’re going to abandon the way we’ve done picks thus far. Right now I’m three games behind the LMoH and the only way I can tie him is to pick the opposite of what he likes. That being said he likes the favorites in both games today.
Philadelphia at Arizona (PHI -1)
and
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (PIT -2)
Personally, I couldn’t be happier with these picks. I’m in love with Arizona right now, it just looks like they can do no wrong and I’ll take Kurt Warner over McNabb in a championship game any day of the week. As for Baltimore/Pittsburgh, I was on the fence about both so either team is fine by me. My perfect scenario for this game is both starting QB’s get injured early and Troy Smith comes to the rescue and posts the single greatest playoff performance ever. I truly believe he is better than Joe Flacco. Fingers crossed!
Philadelphia at Arizona (PHI -1)
and
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (PIT -2)
Personally, I couldn’t be happier with these picks. I’m in love with Arizona right now, it just looks like they can do no wrong and I’ll take Kurt Warner over McNabb in a championship game any day of the week. As for Baltimore/Pittsburgh, I was on the fence about both so either team is fine by me. My perfect scenario for this game is both starting QB’s get injured early and Troy Smith comes to the rescue and posts the single greatest playoff performance ever. I truly believe he is better than Joe Flacco. Fingers crossed!
Friday, January 9, 2009
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NFL Playoff Predictions
I don't really have much to talk about to open this post. I just got finished watching the Cavs slap around the Celtics like a two dollar whore and can't get the thoughts of a championship out of my head. So let's get right to the picks.
Baltimore at Tennessee (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
How in the holy fuck is a JOE FLACCO led Ravens team favored on the road? He's a rookie, in the playoffs, on the road! The Ravens team is getting more love than a fifteen year old's tube sock, and it makes me sick.
LMoH: Ravens
Baltimore at Tennessee (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
How in the holy fuck is a JOE FLACCO led Ravens team favored on the road? He's a rookie, in the playoffs, on the road! The Ravens team is getting more love than a fifteen year old's tube sock, and it makes me sick.
LMoH: Ravens
I can't possibly follow your stunning analysis.
Arizona at Carolina (CAR -6)
Mummer: Arizona
This is a dumb pick. I'm completely sold on the Cardinals right now for absolutely no good reason.
LMoH: Panthers
Every other odds maker is giving the Cards 10. I don't like 10, but I'll take 6.
Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -2)
Mummer: New York Giants
I have zero interest in this game. I can't decide if Andy Reid is better at sucking the fun out of games or sucking the jelly out of donut.
LMoH: Giants
You are on fire today.
Arizona at Carolina (CAR -6)
Mummer: Arizona
This is a dumb pick. I'm completely sold on the Cardinals right now for absolutely no good reason.
LMoH: Panthers
Every other odds maker is giving the Cards 10. I don't like 10, but I'll take 6.
Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -2)
Mummer: New York Giants
I have zero interest in this game. I can't decide if Andy Reid is better at sucking the fun out of games or sucking the jelly out of donut.
LMoH: Giants
You are on fire today.
Three Words... Sports Illustrated Curse.
San Diego at Pittsburgh (PIT -3)
Mummer: San Diego
To think that the concussion received at the hands of Willie McGinest may play some factor in this game gives me a fat one.
LMoH: Steelers
San Diego at Pittsburgh (PIT -3)
Mummer: San Diego
To think that the concussion received at the hands of Willie McGinest may play some factor in this game gives me a fat one.
LMoH: Steelers
I just can't pick against that Steelers "D". I hate everything about the fucking Steelers, starting with their drama queen QB. I just can't bring myself to pick against that "D".
Friday, January 2, 2009
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NFL Playoff Predictions - Wildcard
The LMoH and I have ended our prediction challenge for the season in a tie. To settle this we're gonna have a staring contest with Stuart Scott. The first one of us to vomit or bleed from their eyes loses. We just need Stu to answer our phone calls. So until that happens we're just gonna continue our picks through the playoffs.
Enjoy.
Atlanta at Arizona (Even)
Mummer: Arizona
A rookie QB on the road in the playoffs almost never wins. Well, except for the shithead that plays for Pittsburgh right now.
LMoH: Cardinals
I agree with The Mummer. Plus, I love the Cards at home.
Indianapolis at San Diego (IND -2 )
Mummer: Indianapolis
Indy finds a way to win, plain and simple. Also, watch out if that corpse wearing Harrison's jersey shows up to play, he could be the difference maker.
LMoH: Chargers
The Mummer has had to listen to me bitch about the fact that Rivers is the real MVP this season. I love the fact that the Chargers at home. Rivers goes off again and leads the Chargers to a second round exit.
Baltimore at Miami (BAL -3.5 )
Mummer: Miami
Again, rookie QB on the road.
LMoH: Dolphins
I really like the Ravens in this one. However, I really only like one road team to get a victory this weekend. That one road team is not the Ravens. I love Flacco. I love that defense. I just think Pennington is playing for more. I think he loves that he is in the playoffs and our favorite attention whore Brett "Bonds" Farve is back in Mississippi.
Philadelphia at Minnesota (PHL -3)
Mummer: Minnesota
Adrian Peterson is a difference maker. By that I mean, as soon as I traded him in my fantasy league, he was the difference between me making the playoffs and not. DON'T MAKE TRADES WHILE DRINKING.
LMoH: Eagles
Guess who he traded A.P. to...yes, I anally raped him while he was drinking. I went on to finish 11-2 and runner up in the playoffs. The Eagles are the one road team I like to win this weekend. It's not because I am drinking the kool aid. Tarvaris Jackson is not very good and apparently home field won't mean much since the puke's in Minnesota couldn't even sell out a playoff game. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. This where I roll up a newspaper and smack you on the nose.
Enjoy.
Atlanta at Arizona (Even)
Mummer: Arizona
A rookie QB on the road in the playoffs almost never wins. Well, except for the shithead that plays for Pittsburgh right now.
LMoH: Cardinals
I agree with The Mummer. Plus, I love the Cards at home.
Indianapolis at San Diego (IND -2 )
Mummer: Indianapolis
Indy finds a way to win, plain and simple. Also, watch out if that corpse wearing Harrison's jersey shows up to play, he could be the difference maker.
LMoH: Chargers
The Mummer has had to listen to me bitch about the fact that Rivers is the real MVP this season. I love the fact that the Chargers at home. Rivers goes off again and leads the Chargers to a second round exit.
Baltimore at Miami (BAL -3.5 )
Mummer: Miami
Again, rookie QB on the road.
LMoH: Dolphins
I really like the Ravens in this one. However, I really only like one road team to get a victory this weekend. That one road team is not the Ravens. I love Flacco. I love that defense. I just think Pennington is playing for more. I think he loves that he is in the playoffs and our favorite attention whore Brett "Bonds" Farve is back in Mississippi.
Philadelphia at Minnesota (PHL -3)
Mummer: Minnesota
Adrian Peterson is a difference maker. By that I mean, as soon as I traded him in my fantasy league, he was the difference between me making the playoffs and not. DON'T MAKE TRADES WHILE DRINKING.
LMoH: Eagles
Guess who he traded A.P. to...yes, I anally raped him while he was drinking. I went on to finish 11-2 and runner up in the playoffs. The Eagles are the one road team I like to win this weekend. It's not because I am drinking the kool aid. Tarvaris Jackson is not very good and apparently home field won't mean much since the puke's in Minnesota couldn't even sell out a playoff game. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. This where I roll up a newspaper and smack you on the nose.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
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What a Shocker!
Yes, we’re a little behind in addressing the recent layoffs for the Cleveland Browns. But in our defense, we’re both incredibly lazy and I’m almost 99% sure no one even reads this stuff. That being said, no one saw the Crennel and Savage firings as shocking news material. When you’re team doesn’t score an offensive touchdown the last six weeks of the season, it’s a pretty good bet that you’re shit is gonna be on the front lawn the day after the season ends.
So now the Browns are on the hunt for the next coach that will lead us to the promised land. Will it be Mangini? Maybe Cowher has a change of heart? How about landing the over hyped Shannahan? The latest reports say that it will be Mangini and Scott Pioli from the Patriots with Crennel being brought back as the Defensive Coordinator. Not a bad scenario.
What are your thoughts?
So now the Browns are on the hunt for the next coach that will lead us to the promised land. Will it be Mangini? Maybe Cowher has a change of heart? How about landing the over hyped Shannahan? The latest reports say that it will be Mangini and Scott Pioli from the Patriots with Crennel being brought back as the Defensive Coordinator. Not a bad scenario.
What are your thoughts?
Friday, December 26, 2008
0
Week 17 NFL Predicitons
So Brady Quinn got punched in the eye. How random is that? The Browns QB’s aren’t even safe off the field. I for one can not wait until this season is over and done with. I’d really like to shift the focus of our blog from the Browns to the Cavs. The Cavs are good.
On to the picks.
Game of the Week
Miami at New York Jets (MIA -1)
Mummer: New York Jets
The Jets need to win this game. You can’t miss the playoffs by losing to a team that went 1-15 last year but is now 10-6 because your QB from a year ago is having his best year as a pro. I know the smart pick is the Dolphins because of the revenge factor and Brett Favre’s shoulder issues, but I just can’t pick against Favre somehow finding a way to win this one.
LMoH: Dolphins
Brett Farve is a dick.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at Cincinnati (EVEN)
Mummer: Kansas City
If I asked you how many rushing yards Larry Johnson has, what would your answer be? 400? 500? How about 856? That’s right; he’s one big game away from being a 1,000 yard rusher. If this happens, can we all agree that 1,000 yards in a season is no longer the bench mark for a great running back?
LMoH: Chiefs
On to the picks.
Game of the Week
Miami at New York Jets (MIA -1)
Mummer: New York Jets
The Jets need to win this game. You can’t miss the playoffs by losing to a team that went 1-15 last year but is now 10-6 because your QB from a year ago is having his best year as a pro. I know the smart pick is the Dolphins because of the revenge factor and Brett Favre’s shoulder issues, but I just can’t pick against Favre somehow finding a way to win this one.
LMoH: Dolphins
Brett Farve is a dick.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at Cincinnati (EVEN)
Mummer: Kansas City
If I asked you how many rushing yards Larry Johnson has, what would your answer be? 400? 500? How about 856? That’s right; he’s one big game away from being a 1,000 yard rusher. If this happens, can we all agree that 1,000 yards in a season is no longer the bench mark for a great running back?
LMoH: Chiefs
I agree. I think it is entirely overrated. But that is only if Johnson reaches it this year.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (PIT -9.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
This game is gonna get fucking ugly, Fugly if you will. Do you know who Richard Bartel is? Do you know where Tarleton State is? If your answer put’s Richard Bartel as the heir to the “Bartles and Jaymes” fortune, and Tarleton Sate in the great state of Tarleton, you should be probably go play in traffic. Surprisingly, Richard Bartel is the Browns new second-string QB, and Tarleton State is in the great state of ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! There weren’t any other QB’s available!?! How is Josh Cribbs not listed as QB1 and Gradkowski as QB2? Cribbs was more successful at the collegiate level than both of them combined. This is why Crennel needs to be fired.
LMoH: Steelers
What he said.
The Rest
St. Louis at Atlanta (ATL -10.5)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Rams
New England at Buffalo (NE -5.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Pats
Detroit at Green Bay (GNB -5.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Lions
Tennessee at Indianapolis (IND -1.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Titans
New York Giants at Minnesota (NYG -1)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Giants
Carolina at New Orleans (CAR -1.5)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Panthers
Oakland at Tampa Bay (TB -5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at Houston (CHI -4)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Washington at San Francisco (EVEN)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins
Jacksonville at Baltimore (BAL -6.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Ravens
Dallas at Philadelphia (PHI -1.5)
Mummer: Dallas
LMoH: Cowboys
Seattle at Arizona (ARI -4.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Seahwaks
Denver at San Diego (SD -7)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Broncos
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (PIT -9.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
This game is gonna get fucking ugly, Fugly if you will. Do you know who Richard Bartel is? Do you know where Tarleton State is? If your answer put’s Richard Bartel as the heir to the “Bartles and Jaymes” fortune, and Tarleton Sate in the great state of Tarleton, you should be probably go play in traffic. Surprisingly, Richard Bartel is the Browns new second-string QB, and Tarleton State is in the great state of ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! There weren’t any other QB’s available!?! How is Josh Cribbs not listed as QB1 and Gradkowski as QB2? Cribbs was more successful at the collegiate level than both of them combined. This is why Crennel needs to be fired.
LMoH: Steelers
What he said.
The Rest
St. Louis at Atlanta (ATL -10.5)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Rams
New England at Buffalo (NE -5.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Pats
Detroit at Green Bay (GNB -5.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Lions
Tennessee at Indianapolis (IND -1.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Titans
New York Giants at Minnesota (NYG -1)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Giants
Carolina at New Orleans (CAR -1.5)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Panthers
Oakland at Tampa Bay (TB -5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at Houston (CHI -4)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Washington at San Francisco (EVEN)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins
Jacksonville at Baltimore (BAL -6.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Ravens
Dallas at Philadelphia (PHI -1.5)
Mummer: Dallas
LMoH: Cowboys
Seattle at Arizona (ARI -4.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Seahwaks
Denver at San Diego (SD -7)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Broncos
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
0
Week 16 NFL Predictions
Alright kiddies, you’re gonna get one monstrous version of our picks this week. Because the NFL is now playing games on Saturday, we figured it best to just put out one large post with all the picks.
Before we get to the picks though, did anyone see Stu Scott on Monday Night Football? He was holding a green and white golf umbrella down on the sidelines during the game. As soon as I saw that I immediately thought “Scary Poppins”. That eye isn’t doing anyone any favors. If someone has a picture of this, please send it to me.
On to the picks.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stewart Scott’s Creepy Ass Eyeball
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (IND -8.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
Unless the Colts jump into a time machine, I don’t see them beating anyone by 9.
LMoH: Colts
I do like the Colts. With or without Joseph Addai. I think they are poised to make a big run here at the end of the season.
Game of the Week
Carolina at New York Giants (CAR -4.5)
Mummer: New York Giants
There are easily three great match-ups for this week. Ultimately, this one should provide the most action. I’m completely sold on DeAngelo Williams, he’s a freak.
LMoH: Giants
I think it comes down to Brandon Jacobs. The Giants go as he goes.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Houston at Oakland (HOU -4)
Mummer: Houston
I gave serious consideration to combining the “Irrelevant” game and the “Hometown” game to create the “Shittiest Hometown Game of the Century”. Lucky for the Browns, it would have fucked with the format we’ve been going with for the past few weeks.
LMoH: Texans
Really? -4? Really?
Hometown Game of the Week
Cincinnati at Cleveland (EVEN)
Mummer: Cleveland
I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think of something to say about this game. I’ve got nothing.
LMoH: Bengals
See post titled "I have a question".
The Rest
Baltimore at Dallas (DAL -1)
Mummer: Baltimore
LMoH: Cowboys
New Orleans at Detroit (NO -5.5)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Lions
Editor's note: I will be picking the Lion's this week and next. They are going to win a game and I am going to take credit for picking it.
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (PIT -5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
LMoH: Steelers
Miami at Kansas City (MIA -6)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Dolphins
San Francisco at St. Louis (SF -4)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Niners
Arizona at New England (NE -3)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
San Diego at Tampa Bay (TB -3)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
New York Jets at Seattle (NYJ -3.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Seahawks
Editor's note: Make sure you take part in Brett Farve's 4th farewell tour.
Buffalo at Denver (DEN -2.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Bronco's
Philadelphia at Washington (PHI -5.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Redskins
Atlanta at Minnesota (MIN -2)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Falcons
Green Bay at Chicago (CHI -7)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Packers
Before we get to the picks though, did anyone see Stu Scott on Monday Night Football? He was holding a green and white golf umbrella down on the sidelines during the game. As soon as I saw that I immediately thought “Scary Poppins”. That eye isn’t doing anyone any favors. If someone has a picture of this, please send it to me.
On to the picks.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stewart Scott’s Creepy Ass Eyeball
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (IND -8.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
Unless the Colts jump into a time machine, I don’t see them beating anyone by 9.
LMoH: Colts
I do like the Colts. With or without Joseph Addai. I think they are poised to make a big run here at the end of the season.
Game of the Week
Carolina at New York Giants (CAR -4.5)
Mummer: New York Giants
There are easily three great match-ups for this week. Ultimately, this one should provide the most action. I’m completely sold on DeAngelo Williams, he’s a freak.
LMoH: Giants
I think it comes down to Brandon Jacobs. The Giants go as he goes.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Houston at Oakland (HOU -4)
Mummer: Houston
I gave serious consideration to combining the “Irrelevant” game and the “Hometown” game to create the “Shittiest Hometown Game of the Century”. Lucky for the Browns, it would have fucked with the format we’ve been going with for the past few weeks.
LMoH: Texans
Really? -4? Really?
Hometown Game of the Week
Cincinnati at Cleveland (EVEN)
Mummer: Cleveland
I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think of something to say about this game. I’ve got nothing.
LMoH: Bengals
See post titled "I have a question".
The Rest
Baltimore at Dallas (DAL -1)
Mummer: Baltimore
LMoH: Cowboys
New Orleans at Detroit (NO -5.5)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Lions
Editor's note: I will be picking the Lion's this week and next. They are going to win a game and I am going to take credit for picking it.
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (PIT -5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
LMoH: Steelers
Miami at Kansas City (MIA -6)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Dolphins
San Francisco at St. Louis (SF -4)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Niners
Arizona at New England (NE -3)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
San Diego at Tampa Bay (TB -3)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
New York Jets at Seattle (NYJ -3.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Seahawks
Editor's note: Make sure you take part in Brett Farve's 4th farewell tour.
Buffalo at Denver (DEN -2.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Bronco's
Philadelphia at Washington (PHI -5.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Redskins
Atlanta at Minnesota (MIN -2)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH: Falcons
Green Bay at Chicago (CHI -7)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Packers
Friday, December 12, 2008
1
Week 15 NFL Picks
We're both off to a good start this week. I'm not feeling particularly entertaining tonight, so let's get right to it.
Game of the Week
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Baltimore has been able to put up the points this year, but Pittsburgh is rolling right now. I'm gonna ride it out.
LMoH: Ravens
I don't know why. I just have a feeling. Usually that means I am wrong.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Seattle at St. Louis (EVEN)
Mummer: Seattle
Ummm...so how bout them Indians.
LMoH: Seahawks
Did they sign Kerry Wood? What a waste.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Philadelphia (PHI -9.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
This will be the first time I have picked against the Browns all year. Dorsey is miserable and it's apparent the team has quit on Crennel. But hey, at least Kellen wants to be a Brown next year.
LMoH: Eagles
They're (the Browns) Shitty!
The Rest
Tampa Bay at Atlanta (ATL -2)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Falcons
Washington at Cincinnati (WAS -9.5)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins
San Francisco at Miami (MIA -2)
Mummer: San Francisco
This is actually a very interesting contest. San Fran has been playing inspired football and may catch Miami by surprise much the same way Miami caught teams by surprise early in the season. I was very close to making this the game of the week.
LMoH: Niners
I agree. I do believe the Dolphins are over achieving.
Buffalo at New York Jets (NYJ -5.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
Detroit at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Colts
San Diego at Kansas City (SD -3)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Chargers
Green Bay at Jacksonville (GNB -1.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Packers
Tennessee at Houston (TEN -2.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Texans
Minnesota at Arizona (ARI -1.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Denver at Carolina (CAR -5.5)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Panthers
New England at Oakland (NE -4)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
New York Giants at Dallas (NYG -2)
Mummer: New York Giants
LMoH: Cowboys
Game of the Week
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Baltimore has been able to put up the points this year, but Pittsburgh is rolling right now. I'm gonna ride it out.
LMoH: Ravens
I don't know why. I just have a feeling. Usually that means I am wrong.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Seattle at St. Louis (EVEN)
Mummer: Seattle
Ummm...so how bout them Indians.
LMoH: Seahawks
Did they sign Kerry Wood? What a waste.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Philadelphia (PHI -9.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
This will be the first time I have picked against the Browns all year. Dorsey is miserable and it's apparent the team has quit on Crennel. But hey, at least Kellen wants to be a Brown next year.
LMoH: Eagles
They're (the Browns) Shitty!
The Rest
Tampa Bay at Atlanta (ATL -2)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Falcons
Washington at Cincinnati (WAS -9.5)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Redskins
San Francisco at Miami (MIA -2)
Mummer: San Francisco
This is actually a very interesting contest. San Fran has been playing inspired football and may catch Miami by surprise much the same way Miami caught teams by surprise early in the season. I was very close to making this the game of the week.
LMoH: Niners
I agree. I do believe the Dolphins are over achieving.
Buffalo at New York Jets (NYJ -5.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
Detroit at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Colts
San Diego at Kansas City (SD -3)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Chargers
Green Bay at Jacksonville (GNB -1.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Packers
Tennessee at Houston (TEN -2.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Texans
Minnesota at Arizona (ARI -1.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Denver at Carolina (CAR -5.5)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Panthers
New England at Oakland (NE -4)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
New York Giants at Dallas (NYG -2)
Mummer: New York Giants
LMoH: Cowboys
Thursday, December 11, 2008
0
Week 15 NFL Predictions (Thursday Edition)
The Thursday night pick is back after a week off due to inebriation. Surprisingly, tonight’s game looks to be a pretty good match-up. But let’s put that discussion on hold for a second, we need to talk about this first.
Steve Young takes a cup to the face and doesn’t miss a beat! But it begs a few questions like, what if that cup had hit Stu Scott? Would he have had a Vietnam type flashback to the Juggs machine? Would the cup have corrected his fucked up eye? Why are Stu Scott and Emmit Smith dressed like they are going to the Arctic Circle? They are broadcasting from CHARLOTTE FUCKING NORTH CAROLINA! Oh and Steve, maybe you could teach that bob-and-weave move to Stu Scott. It might end up saving his other eye some day.
On to the game!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stu Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball
New Orleans at Chicago (CHI -1)
Mummer: Chicago
Remember the last time Reggie Bush was at Soldier Field? When he pointed at Urlacher and then did a flip into the endzone? Yeah, I think Brian still remembers that.
LMoH: Bears
I always have a hard time picking against Brees and that offense. They are averaging like 130 points a game. That's impressive. However, I like the Bears defense and Matt Forte to do some damage tonight.
Steve Young takes a cup to the face and doesn’t miss a beat! But it begs a few questions like, what if that cup had hit Stu Scott? Would he have had a Vietnam type flashback to the Juggs machine? Would the cup have corrected his fucked up eye? Why are Stu Scott and Emmit Smith dressed like they are going to the Arctic Circle? They are broadcasting from CHARLOTTE FUCKING NORTH CAROLINA! Oh and Steve, maybe you could teach that bob-and-weave move to Stu Scott. It might end up saving his other eye some day.
On to the game!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stu Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball
New Orleans at Chicago (CHI -1)
Mummer: Chicago
Remember the last time Reggie Bush was at Soldier Field? When he pointed at Urlacher and then did a flip into the endzone? Yeah, I think Brian still remembers that.
LMoH: Bears
I always have a hard time picking against Brees and that offense. They are averaging like 130 points a game. That's impressive. However, I like the Bears defense and Matt Forte to do some damage tonight.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
0
Week 14 NFL Predictions
My apologies to the millions of readers who were disappointed to see we did not make our picks for the Thursday night game between San Diego and Oakland. The truth is I've been huffing crazy amounts of Elmer's glue and I thought it was Wednesday when in fact it was Thursday. Again, my apologies.
Game of the Week
Dallas at Pittsburgh (PIT -2)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh's field is a mess and Marion Barber would have had a big day for Dallas. His loss is too much to overcome.
LMoH: Steelers
With or without Barber, the Steelers win this by a touchdown.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Miami at Buffalo (MIA -1.5)
Mummer: Miami
So, the Cavaliers are playing insane basketball right now. I'm not sure if it's the addition of Mo Williams or the fact that the rest of the team is having career years, but it's fantastic. Next to the Lakers, the Cavs may have the best bench in the NBA. They look like a team on a mission. And yes, I'm refusing to comment on this Miami "at" Buffalo atrocity that will be played Sunday.
LMoH: Bills
Kobe Bryant is an asshole.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Tennessee (TEN -10.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
Is it crazy of me to think that Cleveland can keep it close, and possibly win, if Cribbs see's significant time behind center? I know he is a few years removed from being an every day QB but let's not forget, he wasn't terrible at Kent. Take a look at this story.
LMoH: Titans
By the way, BoDog has this at 14 and I still like the Titans. If the Lions and Browns were to play today, I would like the Lions by 2 TD's.
The Rest
Jacksonville at Chicago (CHI -6.5)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Minnesota at Detroit (MIN -8)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH:Vikings
Houston at Green Bay (GNB -7.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Texans
Cincinnati at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Cincinnati
LMoH: Colts
Atlanta at New Orleans (NO -1.5)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -8.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Giants
Kansas City at Denver (DEN -8)
Mummer: Kansas City
LMoH: Broncos
New York Jets at San Francisco (NYJ -7.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
New England at Seattle (NE -6.5)
Mummer: Seattle
LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at Arizona (ARI -14)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Cardinals
Washington at Baltimore (BAL -7)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Ravens
Tampa Bay at Carolina (CAR -1)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Panthers
Game of the Week
Dallas at Pittsburgh (PIT -2)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh's field is a mess and Marion Barber would have had a big day for Dallas. His loss is too much to overcome.
LMoH: Steelers
With or without Barber, the Steelers win this by a touchdown.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Miami at Buffalo (MIA -1.5)
Mummer: Miami
So, the Cavaliers are playing insane basketball right now. I'm not sure if it's the addition of Mo Williams or the fact that the rest of the team is having career years, but it's fantastic. Next to the Lakers, the Cavs may have the best bench in the NBA. They look like a team on a mission. And yes, I'm refusing to comment on this Miami "at" Buffalo atrocity that will be played Sunday.
LMoH: Bills
Kobe Bryant is an asshole.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Tennessee (TEN -10.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
Is it crazy of me to think that Cleveland can keep it close, and possibly win, if Cribbs see's significant time behind center? I know he is a few years removed from being an every day QB but let's not forget, he wasn't terrible at Kent. Take a look at this story.
LMoH: Titans
By the way, BoDog has this at 14 and I still like the Titans. If the Lions and Browns were to play today, I would like the Lions by 2 TD's.
The Rest
Jacksonville at Chicago (CHI -6.5)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Minnesota at Detroit (MIN -8)
Mummer: Minnesota
LMoH:Vikings
Houston at Green Bay (GNB -7.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Texans
Cincinnati at Indianapolis (IND -11.5)
Mummer: Cincinnati
LMoH: Colts
Atlanta at New Orleans (NO -1.5)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at New York Giants (NYG -8.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Giants
Kansas City at Denver (DEN -8)
Mummer: Kansas City
LMoH: Broncos
New York Jets at San Francisco (NYJ -7.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
New England at Seattle (NE -6.5)
Mummer: Seattle
LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at Arizona (ARI -14)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Cardinals
Washington at Baltimore (BAL -7)
Mummer: Washington
LMoH: Ravens
Tampa Bay at Carolina (CAR -1)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Panthers
Saturday, November 29, 2008
0
Week 13 NFL Predictions
We couldn't have been given a worse slate of games for what was produced on Thursday. In fact they weren't games, they were slaughters. The closest game was Seattle/Dallas and that game was over after the first quarter. Fortunately, looking at this weekend we should see some closer games.
Game of the Week
Pittsburgh at New England (NE -1)
Mummer: New England
The Hoodie has Cassel thinking he's the best QB in the league, and he's playing like it. Open your minds and let me drop this little nugget on you...Tom Brady has thrown for 400+ yds once in his career. Cassel has done it twice...in a row...in one season. Not saying this means he's a better QB than Brady, just saying that he's playing at a very high level right now.
LMoH: Steelers
I get it. Cassel is starting to look like a legit QB. The Mummer knows I am a staunch "Hoodie" supporter. However, that Steelers defense is wicked good, to put it in terms the Mummer can understand.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at Oakland (OAK -6)
Mummer: Kansas City
I can't figure either of these teams out. I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that happens in this game.
LMoH: Chiefs
Jesus. It gets harder and harder to do a write-up for this game. I think Bobby Thigpen is finally starting to get into a groove and Jamarcus Russell is a piece of crap. I take the chiefs by default.
Hometown Game of the Week
Indianapolis at Cleveland (IND -8.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
DA is gonna tear shit up this week. That's our luck. He's gonna finish the season strong and Cleveland will head into the off season with another choice to make at QB.
LMoH: Colts
There is no choice to make at QB. Unless of course DA goes back-up punter on Brady and stabs him in the hand. In the meantime, the Browns continue to look like Jamarcus Russell and lose this one handily.
The Rest
San Francisco at Buffalo (BUF -5.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Bills
Baltimore at Cincinnati (BAL -5.5)
Mummer: Baltimore
LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Green Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Panthers
Miami at St. Louis (MIA -10)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Dolphins
New Orleans at Tampa Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Saints
New York Giants at Washington (NYG -4)
Mummer: New York
LMoH: Giants
Atlanta at San Diego (ATL -1)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Falcons
Denver at New York Jets (NYJ -8.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
Chicago at Minnesota (MIN -1.5)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Jacksonville at Houston (HOU -2)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jaguars
Game of the Week
Pittsburgh at New England (NE -1)
Mummer: New England
The Hoodie has Cassel thinking he's the best QB in the league, and he's playing like it. Open your minds and let me drop this little nugget on you...Tom Brady has thrown for 400+ yds once in his career. Cassel has done it twice...in a row...in one season. Not saying this means he's a better QB than Brady, just saying that he's playing at a very high level right now.
LMoH: Steelers
I get it. Cassel is starting to look like a legit QB. The Mummer knows I am a staunch "Hoodie" supporter. However, that Steelers defense is wicked good, to put it in terms the Mummer can understand.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at Oakland (OAK -6)
Mummer: Kansas City
I can't figure either of these teams out. I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that happens in this game.
LMoH: Chiefs
Jesus. It gets harder and harder to do a write-up for this game. I think Bobby Thigpen is finally starting to get into a groove and Jamarcus Russell is a piece of crap. I take the chiefs by default.
Hometown Game of the Week
Indianapolis at Cleveland (IND -8.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
DA is gonna tear shit up this week. That's our luck. He's gonna finish the season strong and Cleveland will head into the off season with another choice to make at QB.
LMoH: Colts
There is no choice to make at QB. Unless of course DA goes back-up punter on Brady and stabs him in the hand. In the meantime, the Browns continue to look like Jamarcus Russell and lose this one handily.
The Rest
San Francisco at Buffalo (BUF -5.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Bills
Baltimore at Cincinnati (BAL -5.5)
Mummer: Baltimore
LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Green Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Panthers
Miami at St. Louis (MIA -10)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Dolphins
New Orleans at Tampa Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Saints
New York Giants at Washington (NYG -4)
Mummer: New York
LMoH: Giants
Atlanta at San Diego (ATL -1)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Falcons
Denver at New York Jets (NYJ -8.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Jets
Chicago at Minnesota (MIN -1.5)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears
Jacksonville at Houston (HOU -2)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jaguars
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
0
Week 13 NFL Predictions (Thanksgiving Edition!)
It's Thanksgiving. Enjoy the holiday, enjoy the games.
Best Thursday Game
Arizona at Philadelphia (ARI -2.5)
Mummer: Arizona
I'm not sure why people are surprised that the Eagles are playing terrible football right now. They've been terrible all year. Their five wins are against the Rams, Steelers, 49ers, Falcons and Seahawks. Not to mention they TIED the CINCINNATI BENGALS! Even the Browns were able to manage a win against Cincinnati. Kurt Warner and the three-monster that is the Cardinals receivers are going to tear Philly up.
LMoH: Cardinals
As much as I like the Cards in this one, Philly scares me. Sooner or later they are going to get their shit together. In the meantime, here's an Arizona team that is out to prove they hang with NFC East. Even if it is the NFC East subdivision.
Worst Thursday Game
Seattle at Dallas (DAL -11)
Mummer: Seattle
I know Seattle has two wins on the season but they can definitely win this game. Hasselbeck has kept his team in the last two games (but also gave them away) so I see a win here.
LMoH: Seahawks
Very mixed on this one. I agree with the Mummer, but that Seahawks defense should be ashamed of themselves. I mean really, Holmgren should walk up to them with a rolled up newspaper, smack them on the nose and say "Bad!"
Mildly Interesting Thursday Game
Tennessee at Detroit (TEN -11.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
I'm gonna regret this pick on Friday.
LMoH: Titans
Why?
Best Thursday Game
Arizona at Philadelphia (ARI -2.5)
Mummer: Arizona
I'm not sure why people are surprised that the Eagles are playing terrible football right now. They've been terrible all year. Their five wins are against the Rams, Steelers, 49ers, Falcons and Seahawks. Not to mention they TIED the CINCINNATI BENGALS! Even the Browns were able to manage a win against Cincinnati. Kurt Warner and the three-monster that is the Cardinals receivers are going to tear Philly up.
LMoH: Cardinals
As much as I like the Cards in this one, Philly scares me. Sooner or later they are going to get their shit together. In the meantime, here's an Arizona team that is out to prove they hang with NFC East. Even if it is the NFC East subdivision.
Worst Thursday Game
Seattle at Dallas (DAL -11)
Mummer: Seattle
I know Seattle has two wins on the season but they can definitely win this game. Hasselbeck has kept his team in the last two games (but also gave them away) so I see a win here.
LMoH: Seahawks
Very mixed on this one. I agree with the Mummer, but that Seahawks defense should be ashamed of themselves. I mean really, Holmgren should walk up to them with a rolled up newspaper, smack them on the nose and say "Bad!"
Mildly Interesting Thursday Game
Tennessee at Detroit (TEN -11.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
I'm gonna regret this pick on Friday.
LMoH: Titans
Why?
Friday, November 21, 2008
0
Week 12 NFL Predictions
I couldn't have been more wrong about Cincinnati this week. In my defense though, I made that pick before Chad Ocho Cinco was made inactive. Still, he wouldn't have made enough of a difference to help Cincinnati keep that game closer.
Game of the Week
New York Jets at Tennessee (TEN -2)
Mummer: Tennessee
The Jets have a fantastic chance of winning this game. I just have a hard time picking against a 10-0 team.
LMoH: Titans
Mostly because I hate Farve. With his style, and filthy Titans defense, I am betting on a 3int performance from our favorite attention whore.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Buffalo at Kansas City (BUF -4)
Mummer: Buffalo
This is gonna be a miserable game.
LMoH: Chiefs
I like the Chiefs to get a win here against a Bills team that looks like Frodo in the 3rd installment of the rings trilogy.
Hometown Game of the Week
Houston at Cleveland (CLE -2.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
If the LMoH picks against Cleveland I have just one thing to say to him "Go root for Houston - Fuck you."
LMoH: Browns
Here's the thing, the Browns have won in the weeks i picked against them. We'll if the trend continues. Look for Steve Slaton to post about 42 fantasy points this week.
The Rest
San Francisco at Dallas (DAL -6.5)
Mummer: San Francisco
LMoH: Dallas
Tampa Bay at Detroit (TB -7.5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at St. Louis (CHI -7)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Bears
New England at Miami (MIA -1)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
Minnesota at Jacksonville (MIN -2)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jags
Philadelphia at Baltimore (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH:Ravens
Oakland at Denver (DEN -9.5)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Broncos
Carolina at Atlanta (EVEN)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Panthers
New York Giants at Arizona (NYG -4.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Giants
Washington at Seattle (WAS -5.5)
Mummer: Seattle
LMoH: Redskins
Indianapolis at San Diego (IND -4)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Colts
Green Bay at New Orleans (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Packers
Game of the Week
New York Jets at Tennessee (TEN -2)
Mummer: Tennessee
The Jets have a fantastic chance of winning this game. I just have a hard time picking against a 10-0 team.
LMoH: Titans
Mostly because I hate Farve. With his style, and filthy Titans defense, I am betting on a 3int performance from our favorite attention whore.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Buffalo at Kansas City (BUF -4)
Mummer: Buffalo
This is gonna be a miserable game.
LMoH: Chiefs
I like the Chiefs to get a win here against a Bills team that looks like Frodo in the 3rd installment of the rings trilogy.
Hometown Game of the Week
Houston at Cleveland (CLE -2.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
If the LMoH picks against Cleveland I have just one thing to say to him "Go root for Houston - Fuck you."
LMoH: Browns
Here's the thing, the Browns have won in the weeks i picked against them. We'll if the trend continues. Look for Steve Slaton to post about 42 fantasy points this week.
The Rest
San Francisco at Dallas (DAL -6.5)
Mummer: San Francisco
LMoH: Dallas
Tampa Bay at Detroit (TB -7.5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs
Chicago at St. Louis (CHI -7)
Mummer: St. Louis
LMoH: Bears
New England at Miami (MIA -1)
Mummer: New England
LMoH: Patriots
Minnesota at Jacksonville (MIN -2)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jags
Philadelphia at Baltimore (BAL -1.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH:Ravens
Oakland at Denver (DEN -9.5)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Broncos
Carolina at Atlanta (EVEN)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Panthers
New York Giants at Arizona (NYG -4.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Giants
Washington at Seattle (WAS -5.5)
Mummer: Seattle
LMoH: Redskins
Indianapolis at San Diego (IND -4)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Colts
Green Bay at New Orleans (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Packers
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
0
Week 12 NFL Predictions (Thursday Edition)
Holy shit, I am WORKING the Little Mime of Hate to this point! But, while I should be riding high because of this, I'm actually a little down in the dumps. We've recently received a cease and decist letter from Mr. Goodell. Apparently he didn't take kindly to us referring to the Thursday night game as the "Dickhead Game of the Week, Sponsored by Roger Goodell". So, we started looking for new sponsors and boy have we hit the jackpot. Brace yourselves everyone, the Thursday night game will now be referred to as the "Juggs Machine Game of the Week, Sponsored by Stuart Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball". If you don't get the reference, follow this link. You're welcome.
Oh, and before you get all bent out of shape about this, please know I mean no disrespect. That dead eye is as cool as the other side of the pillow. Boo-yah!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stuart Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (PIT -8.5)
Mummer: Cincinnati
Hines Ward broke Keith Rivers' jaw in the last matchup. The Bengals are out for blood in this one. No way Pittsburgh wins by 8.5.
LMoH: Steelers
I disagree. I like the Steelers here. That defense is just filthy. I expect them to lay the wood too a Bengals offense that will now be missing Chad Johnson. Hoosh might get in the endzone, but it will end there.
Oh, and before you get all bent out of shape about this, please know I mean no disrespect. That dead eye is as cool as the other side of the pillow. Boo-yah!
Juggs Machine Game of the Week
Sponsored by Stuart Scott's Creepy Ass Eyeball
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (PIT -8.5)
Mummer: Cincinnati
Hines Ward broke Keith Rivers' jaw in the last matchup. The Bengals are out for blood in this one. No way Pittsburgh wins by 8.5.
LMoH: Steelers
Saturday, November 15, 2008
0
Week 11 NFL Predictions
The LMoH and I are both 0-0-1 after the Thursday night thriller. If you would have told me Thursday morning that Matt Cassel would have thrown for 400 yds and 3 TDs, I would have said "Who is Matt Cassel?".
Thank you, thank you, now on to the picks.
Game of the Week
Dallas at Washington (EVEN)
Mummer: Dallas
The return of Tony Romo. How will he perform? How does his hand feel? I don't know, but I'm sure Madden will tell us at least 50 times.
Little Mime of Hate: Redskins
I think the skins pull this off even without Portis. Expect a big game out of Tight End Chris Cooley.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
St. Louis at San Francisco (SF -4)
Mummer: San Francisco
I'm moving my J.O. session* with Katie Morgan up if this is the only 4:00pm game being televised.
LMoH: Niners
What's the over under on spiking the ball references. It seems that will be the only point of interest in this game.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Buffalo (BUF -2.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
After starting the year 4-0, the Bills have lost four of their last five games. The Browns will have had 10 days to prepare. Anything less than a win should result in Romeo's pink slip.
LMoH: Bills
I am done picking the Browns for a while. They disgust me. Even a win should mean a pink slip. I don't recall ever watching such a poorly managed team.
The Rest
Denver at Atlanta (ATL -2.5)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at Cincinnati (PHI -7.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Eagles
Chicago at Green Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Bears
Houston at Indianapolis (IND -9.5)
Mummer: Houston
LMoH: Texans
New Orleans at Kansas City (NO -5.5)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Chiefs
Oakland at Miami (MIA -8)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Dolphins
Baltimore at New York Giants (NYG -5.5)
Mummer:New York Giants
LMoH: Ravens
Minnesota at Tampa Bay (TB -1.5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH:Bucs
Detroit at Carolina (CAR -12)
Mummer: Detroit
LMoH: Lions
Arizona at Seattle (ARI -5.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Tennessee at Jacksonville (TEN -7)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Titans
San Diego at Pittsburgh (PIT -4)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Steelers
*J.O. aka Jerk Off
Thank you, thank you, now on to the picks.
Game of the Week
Dallas at Washington (EVEN)
Mummer: Dallas
The return of Tony Romo. How will he perform? How does his hand feel? I don't know, but I'm sure Madden will tell us at least 50 times.
Little Mime of Hate: Redskins
I think the skins pull this off even without Portis. Expect a big game out of Tight End Chris Cooley.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
St. Louis at San Francisco (SF -4)
Mummer: San Francisco
I'm moving my J.O. session* with Katie Morgan up if this is the only 4:00pm game being televised.
LMoH: Niners
What's the over under on spiking the ball references. It seems that will be the only point of interest in this game.
Hometown Game of the Week
Cleveland at Buffalo (BUF -2.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
After starting the year 4-0, the Bills have lost four of their last five games. The Browns will have had 10 days to prepare. Anything less than a win should result in Romeo's pink slip.
LMoH: Bills
I am done picking the Browns for a while. They disgust me. Even a win should mean a pink slip. I don't recall ever watching such a poorly managed team.
The Rest
Denver at Atlanta (ATL -2.5)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Philadelphia at Cincinnati (PHI -7.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
LMoH: Eagles
Chicago at Green Bay (EVEN)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Bears
Houston at Indianapolis (IND -9.5)
Mummer: Houston
LMoH: Texans
New Orleans at Kansas City (NO -5.5)
Mummer: New Orleans
LMoH: Chiefs
Oakland at Miami (MIA -8)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Dolphins
Baltimore at New York Giants (NYG -5.5)
Mummer:New York Giants
LMoH: Ravens
Minnesota at Tampa Bay (TB -1.5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH:Bucs
Detroit at Carolina (CAR -12)
Mummer: Detroit
LMoH: Lions
Arizona at Seattle (ARI -5.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Tennessee at Jacksonville (TEN -7)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Titans
San Diego at Pittsburgh (PIT -4)
Mummer: San Diego
LMoH: Steelers
*J.O. aka Jerk Off
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
0
Week 11 NFL Predictions (Thursday Edition)
Last week I introduced you to the "Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week". It was well received. By that I mean, we don't have any readers therefore I didn't receive any negative feedback. Because of that, I'm gonna keep going with it.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsered by Roger Goodell
New York Jets at New England (NE -3)
Mummer: New York Jets
I don't have much to say about this game. I feel the Jets win by at least two touchdowns. The Patriots aren't good enough to beat the Jets twice this year, and Favre is capable of dropping 5 TD's on you at any moment.
What I do want to talk about is this.
I felt you needed to know this.
Little Mime of Hate: Patriots
Despite Thomas being the 53rd member of the patriots 53 man roster to go on the I.R., I like the Pats in this. We all know Bill hates to lose to the guy he mentored and we may actually see him go Tanya Harding on Brett Farve, which I am ok with. The only thing that would bother me about this is that the game is on the NFL network, and I won't get to see Farve rolling around the field screaming, "Why Me?!? Why Me?!?" On another note, I reserve the right to change my pick if Jim Tressel's greatest recruit ever, Shawn Crable, starts tonight.
Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsered by Roger Goodell
New York Jets at New England (NE -3)
Mummer: New York Jets
I don't have much to say about this game. I feel the Jets win by at least two touchdowns. The Patriots aren't good enough to beat the Jets twice this year, and Favre is capable of dropping 5 TD's on you at any moment.
What I do want to talk about is this.
I felt you needed to know this.
Little Mime of Hate: Patriots
Despite Thomas being the 53rd member of the patriots 53 man roster to go on the I.R., I like the Pats in this. We all know Bill hates to lose to the guy he mentored and we may actually see him go Tanya Harding on Brett Farve, which I am ok with. The only thing that would bother me about this is that the game is on the NFL network, and I won't get to see Farve rolling around the field screaming, "Why Me?!? Why Me?!?" On another note, I reserve the right to change my pick if Jim Tressel's greatest recruit ever, Shawn Crable, starts tonight.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
0
Week 10 NFL Predictions
Well, the Little Mine of Hate and myself are already in the hole 0-1 after the Browns defense decided to take a nice big shit mid-field at the Browns Stadium. Thanks guys.
Game of the Week
New York Giants at Philadelphia (NYG -1.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
I have no defense for picking Philly. I think the NYG defense is filthy, and Brandon Jacobs punishes the opposing team. I just feel like Philly is gonna show up for this one.
LMoH: Giants
I too think the Eagles arrive. However, I just can't pick against the Giants. They have proven me wrong too many times.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at San Diego (SD -4.5)
Mummer: San Diego
Not one must watch player between these two teams. Don't even think about saying LT.
LMoH: Chargers
I would say Phillip Rivers. The guy is having a great season considering he is getting no help from anyone.
New Orleans at Atlanta (ATL -2)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Tennessee at Chicago (TEN -2)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Titans
Side note: I loved the Bears in this one until Orton went down.
Jacksonville at Detroit (JAC -3.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jaguars
Seattle at Miami (MIA -7)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Seahawks
Green Bay at Minnesota (MIN -1)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Packers
Buffalo at New England (NE -1.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at New York Jets (NYJ -7.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Rams
Baltimore at Houston (BAL -1)
Mummer: Houston
LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Oakland (CAR -9.5)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Panthers
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh (PIT -6.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Steelers
San Francisco at Arizona (ARI -8.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Game of the Week
New York Giants at Philadelphia (NYG -1.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
I have no defense for picking Philly. I think the NYG defense is filthy, and Brandon Jacobs punishes the opposing team. I just feel like Philly is gonna show up for this one.
LMoH: Giants
I too think the Eagles arrive. However, I just can't pick against the Giants. They have proven me wrong too many times.
Irrelevant Game of the Week
Kansas City at San Diego (SD -4.5)
Mummer: San Diego
Not one must watch player between these two teams. Don't even think about saying LT.
LMoH: Chargers
I would say Phillip Rivers. The guy is having a great season considering he is getting no help from anyone.
New Orleans at Atlanta (ATL -2)
Mummer: Atlanta
LMoH: Falcons
Tennessee at Chicago (TEN -2)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Titans
Side note: I loved the Bears in this one until Orton went down.
Jacksonville at Detroit (JAC -3.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
LMoH: Jaguars
Seattle at Miami (MIA -7)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Seahawks
Green Bay at Minnesota (MIN -1)
Mummer: Green Bay
LMoH: Packers
Buffalo at New England (NE -1.5)
Mummer: Buffalo
LMoH: Patriots
St. Louis at New York Jets (NYJ -7.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
LMoH: Rams
Baltimore at Houston (BAL -1)
Mummer: Houston
LMoH: Ravens
Carolina at Oakland (CAR -9.5)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Panthers
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh (PIT -6.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Steelers
San Francisco at Arizona (ARI -8.5)
Mummer: Arizona
LMoH: Cardinals
Friday, November 7, 2008
0
Random Thoughts (With Homework for the Weekend!)
Let’s jump right into this. Kellen Winslow lost that game last night. His fumble in the 4th quarter leads to a TD, and then he lets the ball slip through his hands to end the game. I can’t be the only one that feels he’s way overdue for a blanket party. Willie McGinest needs to get this done.
Oh and while we’re at it, can we get Brandon McDonald a bed out there? He was sleepwalking through the entire game! Then, just to make sure everyone knew that he was tired he lays down in the end zone to take a nap so Brandon Marshall could kill my hopes of having a good fantasy and reality weekend.
Why do Joe Paterno press conferences look like they are being broadcast from 1973? I keep waiting for the camera to pull back on Joe Pa to reveal Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems standing in the background.
The Nike commercial with LT and Troy Polamalu might be the greatest commercial in years. Rivaled only by last years “Leave Nothing” commercial with Steven Jackson and Shawn Merriman where they leap through different games while going the length of the football field.
Speaking of great commercials, do yourself a favor and burn an hour perusing this site.
Jim Carrey has obviously reached the end of his career. Why else would he remake "Liar, Liar"?
And finally, the Little Mime of Hate and I had a little disagreement as to whether or not Chris Meloni is in “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III”, more affectionately known as “Turtles in Time”. I maintain that he is, but he proved me wrong by emailing me the cast from IMDB.com. I know Meloni is in this movie, and before you respond saying that I’m mistaking him for Elias Koteas, know that I am aware of the difference and still maintain that Meloni is in the movie. My homework for you the reader is to go rent “TMNT 3” and tell me if Meloni is in it. I don’t want to waste the money.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
0
Week 10 NFL Predictions (Thursday Edition)
I really hate Thursday night NFL games, it throws my whole week out of whack. Setting my fantasy football lineup on a Wednesday is only something I should have to do if I'm going out of town. Not to mention, now we have to make our NFL picks two days sooner than normal. All because Roger Goodell is a dick.
Because of this we've decided that all Thursday night games will be referred to as "Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Plus as an added bonus this week, because the Browns are playing, it's also the "Hometown Game of the Week", thus giving us the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Now, on to the pick.
Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsored by Roger Goodell
Denver at Cleveland (CLE -1)
Mummer: Cleveland
Brady Quinn gets the start. Finally! The only problem is that he gets one day of practice with the first team to get ready. Normally this would worry me, but HE'S BRADY FREAKIN QUINN! I'm more worried about Derek Anderson being able to adjust to the pine pony. Luckily he spent some time their before last year, so he knows what to expect.
Also, I really want to draw some attention to how fortunate we are to have Josh Cribbs on this team. We all know his ability to take one the distance at any moment. But what often goes unnoticed is his ability to make tackles on the coverage team. He's unbelievable. He gets to balls quicker than Tom Brady's mouth, and that's saying something. Do yoursef a favor tomorrow and checkout his coverage skills. Really a thing of beauty.
LMoH: Browns
I am only picking the Browns because it is the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week", otherwise I would take the Broncos. The real reason I like the Browns in this game is because Brady Quinn is starting. I believe Quinn is going to have a pretty rough night, 100-125 yards, 2-3 picks and maybe a touchdown. What makes the game appealing to me is Jamal Lewis. I think we are going to see a healthy dose of Lewis tonight, both rushing and receiving. This how the Browns get the win tonight. On a side note, would the Browns please wise up and move Winslow to the slot and start Heiden at TE. Please?!? For the love of God, please!?!
Because of this we've decided that all Thursday night games will be referred to as "Thursday Night Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Plus as an added bonus this week, because the Browns are playing, it's also the "Hometown Game of the Week", thus giving us the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week" sponsored by Roger Goodell. Now, on to the pick.
Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week
Sponsored by Roger Goodell
Denver at Cleveland (CLE -1)
Mummer: Cleveland
Brady Quinn gets the start. Finally! The only problem is that he gets one day of practice with the first team to get ready. Normally this would worry me, but HE'S BRADY FREAKIN QUINN! I'm more worried about Derek Anderson being able to adjust to the pine pony. Luckily he spent some time their before last year, so he knows what to expect.
Also, I really want to draw some attention to how fortunate we are to have Josh Cribbs on this team. We all know his ability to take one the distance at any moment. But what often goes unnoticed is his ability to make tackles on the coverage team. He's unbelievable. He gets to balls quicker than Tom Brady's mouth, and that's saying something. Do yoursef a favor tomorrow and checkout his coverage skills. Really a thing of beauty.
LMoH: Browns
I am only picking the Browns because it is the "Thursday Night Hometown Dickhead Game of the Week", otherwise I would take the Broncos. The real reason I like the Browns in this game is because Brady Quinn is starting. I believe Quinn is going to have a pretty rough night, 100-125 yards, 2-3 picks and maybe a touchdown. What makes the game appealing to me is Jamal Lewis. I think we are going to see a healthy dose of Lewis tonight, both rushing and receiving. This how the Browns get the win tonight. On a side note, would the Browns please wise up and move Winslow to the slot and start Heiden at TE. Please?!? For the love of God, please!?!