You know who's ecstatic about this A-Rod story?
THIS GUY!

This mother fucker is accused of snorting coke off a toilet seat! In a public bathroom no less! If you were to give me $100 bucks to bend over and sniff a public toilet seat I'd tell you to go fuck your mother. I'd rather have a dead clown fall out of my pee hole than do that shit. But this guy not only gets that close but goes even further by putting his nose to the seat to get the coke! Unbelievable story and it's been buried because A-Rod tested positive for being a douche bag. Can we please get a photo of this bathroom stall? I really hope it looks something like this.

"Hey guys, is my prairie dog noticeable through these shorts?"

"I'm Rick James Bitch!"

Home of the Dog
The annual Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest was once again held in New York over the weekend. I don't understand why they keep this in New York. We all know that hot dog eating contests originated in San Francisco.

Olympic News
Tyson Gay of the US Olympic Track team was injured the other day in the 200M dash. Which reminds me, this is the perfect time to practice my headline writing. "Gay Leg Injury", "Gay Injury Hurts US Track Team", Beaten and Injured Gay", "Gay Goes Down", "Gay Pulls Up, Then Goes Down", "Bad Day to be Gay", "Gay Blows It".

Sabathia to Milwaukee
Am I the only one that thinks this is a bad move for C.C.? How fat is he gonna get after he eats the winners of the nightly "Sausage Races"?

He's a Material Girl
It was revealed this week that Alex Rodriguez will be getting a divorce from his wife of five years. We also learned that he has been seen running around with Madonna. Hello Roy Hobbs!