I have no less than three versions of this post saved on my computer with each one going off in completely different directions. The first one I is about how the game tomorrow night scares the shit out of me, which in turn leads me to talk about how Tressel has lost the trust of every Buckeye fan. The other is about how if Ohio State wins tomorrow night they won’t move more than two spots in the rankings. Of course from there I go on about Oklahoma’s easy schedule up to this point and how Penn State plays virtually the same opponents as OSU but get more love. Needless to say, there are a lot of things about this season that have me fired up. Oh, and let’s just go ahead and get this out there. The Big Ten from top to bottom is not soft. At the beginning of the year I would have agreed with you, but take a look at the Big Ten standings. Penn State, Ohio State, Michigan State, Minnesota, and Northwestern all have 6+ wins. Follow those up with very dangerous Illinois and Wisconsin teams and you have a respectable conference. Let’s move on.

This game tomorrow is huge for the Big Ten. It showcases the two best teams from the confrence in prime time.



Ohio State wins, they jump back into the national championship talk and you’ll hear a lot of stories about how this is a very different OSU team with Pryor at the helm. If Penn State wins, they’re a virtual lock to make the championship game. The only speed bump may come from a finale at Michigan State.

I know this is tough to hear, but as an Ohio State fan you should be happy no matter what the result of this game is. The Big Ten needs to start earning some respect back and I don’t care if it’s Ohio State or Penn State representing the Big Ten in the title game. A strong showing in the National Championship is going to pay off in the long run for all Big Ten teams.

Kellen Winslow
The Browns suspended Kellen Winslow without pay for Sunday’s game against the Jags because he lashed out against the organization. Every once in a while I will scroll thru the message boards to see what people are saying about different stories. I was shocked at what I read this week. The overall support that Winslow is receiving from both the media and the fans is frightening to me. While I agree that the Browns aren’t exactly innocent in this whole charade, it is never acceptable as an employee to publically bash your organization. It’s a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. It makes the Browns look bad and it makes Winslow look bad. The ordeal should have been handled in house. Joe football fan should never have sniffed this story. If the Browns asked Winslow to cover up a Staph infection, the Browns are scum bags. Having said that, the Browns have been pretty good with Winslow considering that he only seems to make it thru an entire seasons when Haley’s Comet is visible.

The Bounty
There is a lot of talk this week about the “The Bounty” that Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs had on Rashard Mendenhalh and Hines Ward. While I think both of the Ravens linebackers are thugs that the league would be better off without, who cares. The hit on Mendenhall was clean and they never got to Ward. The bottom line is, if they are playing clean football, what’s the problem? Now, if they start going after some guy on the sidelines that's hobbling around on crutches, there might be a problem.

And you thought your sports world was in disarray
Things in Michigan are so bad right now, that hard working, red-blooded American men have turned to self mutilation. Uncle Rico has to get the Wolverines turned around quickly. If only to save the genitalia of the Wolverine Nation.
October 17, 2008: Saginaw News:
A 29-year-old Michigan man was been jailed over the weekend for "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash, the Saginaw News reports. The policeman who—responding to a call of "someone acting suspicious"—discovered the man in the act said, "I've seen some strange things, but this is the weirdest thing I ever heard."

Brett Farve
So my favorite attention whore sold his soul to the Detroit Lions. While I have long questioned his character, I now find myself questioning is decision making abilities. Farve could have given the Lions the current Packers playbook and signal book and the results would have been the same. What was he thinking?

K2 Gets Swole
And the award for most watched crotch of the weekend goes to…Kellen Winslow! Admit it, you were expecting him to run out of that tunnel pushing a wheel barrow full of swollen man berries.

Screw Geico
Have you seen the new Allstate commercial with the 5000 teens who go out driving and never come back? It chokes me up every time.

Pacman Suspended
Every day that goes by, I become more and more shocked that Pacman Jones has been suspended again. I really thought Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin were going to keep him on the straight and narrow.

The Little Mime of Hate is back this week (Read about his travels in the previous post) and we're ready to make you some money. Unfortunately, we aren't giving a commentary for our picks. No real reason except to say I'm extremely lazy.

San Diego at Buffalo (EVEN)
Mummer: San Diego
Little Mime of Hate: Bills

Minnesota at Chicago (CHI -1)
Mummer: Chicago
LMoH: Bears

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (PIT -8)
Mummer: Pittsburgh
LMoH: Bengals

Tennessee at Kansas City (TEN -8)
Mummer: Tennessee
LMoH: Titans

Dallas at St. Louis (DAL -6.5)
Mummer: Dallas
LMoH: Cowboys

Baltimore at Miami (MIA -3)
Mummer: Miami
LMoH: Ravens

San Francisco at New York Giants (NYG -6)
Mummer: New York Giants
LMoH: Giants

New Orleans at Carolina (EVEN)
Mummer: Carolina
LMoH: Saints

Detroit at Houston (HOU -5.5)
Mummer: Detroit
LMoH: Texans

New York Jets at Oakland (NYJ -4.5)
Mummer: New York
LMoH: Jets

Indianapolis at Green Bay (IND -1.5)
Mummer: Indianapolis
LMoH: Packers

Cleveland at Washington (WAS -2.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
LMoH: Browns
They finally got their big win. I can now start picking them again.

Seattle at Tampa Bay (TB -8.5)
Mummer: Tampa Bay
LMoH: Bucs

Denver at New England (DEN -3)
Mummer: Denver
LMoH: Patriots

I had the misfortune of spending last weekend in the heart of SEC country. Beautiful, and I say that sarcastically, Tuscaloosa, Alabama. It’s not that Tuscaloosa is ugly. It pretty much the same as any other college town. I was largely disappointed in the talent of Tuscaloosa. I was looking forward to some good old fashioned southern girls. Unfortunately, it was not to be. On a side note, in my travels I have discovered that Austin wins that prize. There is just something about denim skirts, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. The Mummer definitely had it going on that weekend. While I did my best to represent the Big Ten proudly in what I equate to Dante’s 7th ring of hell, t wasn’t easy. These people love their football. It’s absolutely insane. Definitely the most passionate group of football fans I have ever been around. They make the most aggressive Big Ten fans seem like avid watchers. I wish I had a great story to insert here about how passionate they are. Unfortunately I do not. It’s just a feeling down there. I will say this, the Roll Tide Roll of Sweet Home Alabama has more oomph to it than the O-H-I-O of Hang On Sloopy. Maybe that’s that because I was surrounded by 50 inebriated Bama fans and only 5 inebriated Buckeye fans. And while I swore I wouldn’t shout out a Roll Tide Roll, as it goes against everything I believe in. They made a liar of me. After listening to my brother and his 5 drunk ass friends yell O-H… I-O for 3 days, I couldn’t wait to belt a good Roll Tide.

Like any good Shakespearian novel, Bama fans do have a fatal flaw. A flaw that almost found victim of a good old fashioned southern lynching. They do not, under any circumstances, on any day, no matter the time, think it’s funny when a Yankee says, “Yeah, but Nick Saban is an asshole! He’s the kind of guy that steals candy from small children.” Remember that scene from Wild West when Will Smith was trying to talk his way out of the noose. That was me. Despite my best efforts to remind them of exactly what a douche bag he is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvos4LH19uo, the rope became tighter and tighter. Finally, my buddies distracted the mob by pointing out that the bark pattern on the tree looked like Bear Bryant. As I mentioned earlier, I did my best to remind them that Saban is a terrible human being. also promised them that if Saban was still coaching at Alabama in 10 years I would gladly run naked up and down the main strip on campus with "Bama Sucks! Go Tigers!" painted on my chest and back à la Bruce Willis in "Die Hard with a Vengeance".. Again, they did not see my side. While I believe that Saban was a great short term hire. I also believe he is a long-term nightmare. Alas, they love Saban and nothing will change their minds. Unless of course, he starts saying things like, I will not be the next head coach of the Los Angeles Raiders!

The Little Mime of Hate is on vacation this week, so he's made his picks but will not be providing any commentary. Also, we won't be putting a up a prize for beating one or both of us this week. The reason is that I'm not sure what we would do if two people had the same win-loss total and beat both of us. We're not made of money here. Once we think of something though, the prize will be back on.
Either way, feel free to try your hand.


Baltimore at Indianapolis (IND -1)
Mummer: Indianapolis
Troy Smith and Anthony Gonzalez back on the same field! Er...in the same stadium.

Little Mime of Hate: Ravens


Detroit at Minnesota (MIN -11)
Mummer: Detroit
I feel I need to defend this Detroit pick. At some point, Detroit is gonna get theirs, and Minnesota has not played all four quarters in any game this year. I think Minny wins, but not by 11.

Little Mime of Hate: Lions


Oakland at New Orleans (NO -7)
Mummer: New Orleans
Reggie Bush was a man possessed last weekend. If he performs half as well against Oakland, he'll have a huge day.

Little Mime of Hate: Saints


Cincinnati at New York Jets (NYJ -6.5)
Mummer: New York Jets
In 2005 Carson Palmer signed a deal keeping him in Cincinnati until 2014. Hey Carson, what's your biggest regret in life?

Little Mime of Hate: Cincinnati


Chicago at Atlanta (CHI -4)
Mummer: Chicago
Michael Turner's game stats:

Week 1: 220 Yds - 2TD
Week 2: 42 Yds - 0TD
Week 3: 104 Yds - 3TD
Week 4: 56 Yds - 0TD
Week 5: 121 Yds - 1 TD

Hmmm...what does this mean for week 6?

Little Mime of Hate: Bears


Carolina at Tampa Bay (CAR -3.5)
Mummer: Carolina
"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" Let's go Panthers!

Little Mime of Hate: Bucs


St. Louis at Washington (WAS -13.5)
Mummer: St. Louis
If they win by 2 TD's, everyone better watch out.

Little Mime of Hate: Redskins


Miami at Houston (MIA -2)
Mummer: Miami
Miami is playing with the house's money right now.

Little Mime of Hate: Texans


Jacksonville at Denver (DEN -3.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
Please let Mojo Drew have a big week, please!

Little Mime of Hate: Jaguars


Philadelphia at San Francisco (PHI -3.5)
Mummer: Philadelphia
There's always one game every week that is hard to find something to write about.

Little Mime of Hate: Eagles


Green Bay at Seattle (GNB -4)
Mummer: Green Bay
I take that back. This week, we have two.

Little Mime of Hate: Packers


Dallas at Arizona (DAL -4.5)
Mummer: Dallas
We're fixin to have a good ole fashion shoot out in the desert! Yee-haw!! Bang! Bang!

Little Mime of Hate: Cardinals


New England at San Diego (SD -2)
Mummer: San Diego
Because I hate Boston.

Little Mime of Hate: Patriots


New York Giants at Cleveland (NYG -7)
Mummer: Cleveland
Derek Anderson's QB Rating is 31st in the NFL. For those of you who don't understand what this means, let me put it this way. He's one spot ahead of Tyler Thigpen.

Little Mime of Hate: Giants

Tampa Bay over Green Bay, Kansas City over Denver, Washington over Dallas, and Chicago over Philly. What a great weekend for the Vegas casinos. Let's see how far off the mark we can be on our picks this week.
As always, you can feel free to play along.

As an added bonus, I, The Little Mime of Hate, am willing to make it interesting. I am willing to throw in a $10 BestBuy gift card, if you the reader can pick the week 5 games better than I can. If you can "out pick" both The Mummer and myself, I will make it $25.
Rules and Exclusions:
*You can't be related to either of the Editor's.
*There will be only one (1) winner. If by some miracle, we get two (2) entries, the individual that picks the most accurately will win.
*Picks must be entered by 1200 eastern time on Sunday. That is 1600 utc if you are keeping score at home.
*You must leave your name and email address in the comment. Anonymous contributor's will be publically mocked.

So there it is. Now is your opportunity to show how bad we are at this.

Seattle at New York Giants (NYG -5.5)
Mummer: Seattle
Name one starting wide receiver in this game. Go ahead...try.

Little Mime of Hate: Seahawks
I heard the Seahawks were going to sign Reche Caldwell, but he wanted them to fix his bug eyes. After much deliberation the Seahawks decided the eye surgery was worth more than he was.

Washington at Philadelphia (Even)
Mummer:Washington
Definitely game of the week. I go with Washington because Westbrook is less than 100%.

LMoH: Philly
It is very tough to take down the Eagles at home. I think the Redskins play them tough, but come up a field goal short.

San Diego at Miami (SD -5.5)
Mummer: San Diego
Someone please introduce Pennington to Teddy Ginn. It's enough already.

LMoH: Chargers
Newsflash: Ted Ginn is a below average WR.

Kansas City at Carolina (CAR -8)
Mummer: Kansas City
I expect Larry Johnson to get no less than 60 carries in this game.

LMoH: Carolina
8 points is a lot of points. I just don't think the Chiefs can do it in back-to-back weeks.

Tennessee at Baltimore (Even)
Mummer: Tennesse
Apparently wins against Cleveland and Cincinnati get you an even line with the best team in the AFC.

LMoH: Tennessee
I like what I am seeing out of Flacco. If he only had a receiver that wasn't 112 years old.

Indianapolis at Houston (IND -3)
Mummer: Indianapolis
Did I miss Manning and Harrison's 50th birthdays? God damn. They aged overnight.

LMoH: Colts
It appears that Bob Sanders will be out again this week. This bodes well for me. I have Slaton and Addai starting this weekend in FFL. Both should have monster days.

Chicago at Detroit (CHI -4)
Mummer: Detroit
I'm going to plan my Sunday shit around this game. And by that I mean, I will be shitting during this game.

LMoH: Bears
Are you kidding me? This game has a lot of intrigue. Forte vs. Johnson. Orton vs. Kitna. Lloyd vs. Johnson. Olsen vs. His hands. That's plenty to keep me interested.

Atlanta at Green Bay (GNB -4.5)
Mummer: Green Bay
I hope Rodgers watched that Jets game last week. He'll never be good enough.

LMoH: Packers
Now you're just being an asshole.

Tampa Bay at Denver (DEN -3)
Mummer: Denver
Losing to KC has to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

LMoH: Tampa
Tampa is an overachieving team right now. I like E. Graham to go off in this game.

Cincinnati at Dallas (DAL -10.5)
Mummer: Dallas
Chad Johnson has said he will kiss the star at mid-field in Dallas after scoring a TD. I can only hope that TO channels his inner Ed Norton when this goes down.

LMoH: Dallas
I want to hear Adam Jones shouting... Put your mouth on the star! Put it on the star right now!

Buffalo at Arizona (BUF -4)
Mummer: Buffalo
I need Lee Evans to bring it this week and live up to that new contract. My fantasy team hinges on him doing well.

LMoH: Buffalo
Well then your fantasy team is totally screwed. Way to draft a dependable wide receiver.

New England at San Francisco (Even)
Mummer: San Francisco
That's right New England SUCK ONE!

LMoH: Patriots
Come on now. Angry Bill coming of a Bye week. I'll take the Pats.

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville (Even)
Mummer: Jacksonville
The Steelers added Najeh Davenport to their roster for this weekend. Did you know he shit in a woman's laundry basket in her college dorm room? True story.

LMoH:Steelers
Let me tell you about Jerome Bettis...Ah forget it!
As down as the Stillers are right now, I don't think they are bad enough to lose 2 straight.

Minnesota at New Orleans (NO -2.5)
Mummer: Minnesota
Make sure you bring your note book Reggie, cuz Adrian's gonna bring it ALL DAY!

LMoH: Saints
Really? That was really terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself!

So, I was getting ready to write this great post about how all three of the Cincinnati Bengals QB's look like they were expelled from the same uterus. Here I come to find out, two of them actually were! How was this not a bigger story? And why in the name of holy fuck isn't their a Manning Bros. vs. Palmer Bros. Double-Stuffed Oreo's rivalry!? The Palmer Bros., which by the way sound more like a heating and cooling team, really missed the boat on that one. And could Fitzpatrick look any more like he just rolled out of bed after a night of being force-fed bong water by frat guys?

As for the game, and I'm using that term loosely, that was played on Sunday, I think Anderson may have finally, possibly, kind of turned the corner for us this season. It sucks that this comes before the bye week, but at this point I'll take anything. I fully believe that if Anderson didn't do something to help us win that game, we would be hearing that Brady Quinn is now the starter and will have two weeks to prepare for his first opponent. It would have been a perfect scenario, except for the fact that his first opponent would be the New York Giants. That's definitely not a team you want Quinn to get his feet wet with. But then again, is there a team remaining on our schedule that you would want him to start against? It's gonna get really ugly before this season is over.

As the Mummer knows, I have some issues with women's sports. For the most part, I am not a macho guy. One good look at me and you will understand that. It's not that I think women aren’t athlete’s or that women’s sports aren’t actually sports. If you want to watch pure basketball, women’s basketball is where it’s at. They pass, they play defense and they even shoot well. The problem is, it’s boring. I don’t want to see a fast break end with a wicked reverse lay-up. I want to see a two handed, reverse windmill, take-off from the free throw line dunk. The kind that makes the backboard shake like Christina Aguillera getting her monthly STD test at the free clinic.

If you want the god’s honest truth, politically correctness is the main reason I despise women’s sports. Title IX may have done “great things” for women’s sports. The problem is, women’s sports don’t make money. They need the men’s teams to support their teams. Yet we have to cut men’s sports so that UTEP can have a chick Cricket team. Even worse, ESPN and the other three major networks force it down our throats. If we wanted to see women’s sports, there would be more then 10 fans at a WNBA game. The numbers don’t lie.

The reason for this little rant is CNNSI.com. You know how they do their picture features? Well I stumbled across one that was dedicated to the best female athletes in the world. I shant bore you with all 23. There are only 3 that I am interested in.

#1 – Danica Patrick. First-off, drivers are not athletes. They are very talented at what they do. But they are not athletes. I know what you’re going to say, “You couldn’t do what they do!”. You are absolutely right. I couldn’t. I also can’t solve equations. Does that mean the UCLA Match team is chock full of “athletes”? Second, she has won exactly one race. ONE! One stinking race! To be fair, that is one more win the Ana Kournikova has.

#7 - Paula Radcliffe. I have posted her picture below. Is that really what an athlete looks like? She looks like she should be in a Sally Struthers commercial.


On a side note, how did she squeeze that kid out without breaking every bone in her body?

#17 - Jessica Long. No jokes here. This is some serious stuff. Here is what CNNSI.com had to say: “Long, a bilateral below-the-knee amputee, won the 2007 Sullivan Award and was named USA Swimming's Disability Swimmer of the Year. Long, who began swimming competitively in 2002, won three gold medals at the '04 Paralympic Games and will be looking for more in Beijing.”

Both of her legs have been amputated just below the knee. She is incredible. She is an inspiration. But apparently, she is not as talented as Danica Patrick. I am stunned.

What a difference a week makes. Somehow I posted an impressive 11-4 record last week. That's right, 11-4. You may be asking, how could I possibly have gone 11-4 if there were 16 games last week? Well my friends, that's a great question.
Let's take a look at the week 4 lines.


Minnesota at Tennessee (TEN -1.5)
Mummer: Tennessee
How about the loser of this game has to drop an "N" from their name.

Little Mime of Hate: Tennessee
This is a tough one. But for some reason, my man crush is shifting slightly to Kerry Collins.

Denver at Kansas City (DEN -11)
Mummer: Denver
Yikes.

LMoH:Denver
I really think K.C. Might have a chance to cover here. It just that, they are so, so bad.


San Francisco at New Orleans (NO -2.5)
Mummer: San Francisco
What do you get when put San Fran and New Orleans together? Anal beads.
Editors Note: We're better than that joke.

LMoH: New Orleans
You're an idiot. Even though I still think Bush is a bust, I think the Niners are an even bigger bust.

Arizona at New York Jets (EVEN)
Mummer: New York Jets
I refuse to make a joke about the age of these two QB's.
Dick Vitale: Look at those Diaper Dandies!

LMoH: Arizona
I think Farve is starting to figure out he gets more press when he loses. I expect that attention whore to go out and lay an egg, and then roll around naked in the press clippings.

Green Bay at Tampa Bay (GNB -3)
Mummer: Green Bay
Can you really trust a guy that couldn't win the starting job in Chicago?

LMoH: Green Bay
It wouldn't surprise me if the Packers win but fail to cover.

Atlanta at Carolina (CAR -4.5)
Mummer: Carolina
How in the hell did I forget to do a Michael Vick joke last week? Atlanta was just a 45 minute drive from Leavenworth!

LMoH: Falcons
This is one of those games that is tough for me. I don't expect the Falcons to win, but I don't like the Panthers to cover.

Houston at Jacksonville (JAC -7.5)
Mummer: Jacksonville
Make way for the Sage Rosenfels era!

LMoH: Houston
I think the Jags are in for a big time let down after last week. They do win this game, just not by 8.

Cleveland at Cincinnati (CIN -3.5)
Mummer: Cleveland
Oh boy.

LMoH: Cincinnati
I'm not falling for it. I am not picking the Brown's again until they get a win. By the way Mummer, I am a little dissappointed in you. No Brady Quinn reference this week?

San Diego at Oakland (SD -8.5)
Mummer: San Diego
I've got nothing for this game.

LMoH: Oakland
Chargers win, Raiders cover.

Buffalo at St. Louis (BUF -9)
Mummer: Buffalo
Yea, Marc Bulger was the reason this team wasn't winning...

LMoH: Buffalo
I heard that in order to turn things around, they are going to hire Matt Millen as the head of football operations.

Washington at Dallas (DAL -7)
Mummer: Dallas
How is Michael Irvin not in jail? I've been reading bits and pieces from this new book "Boys will be Boys" by Jeff Pearlman, and I'm just amazed that he's not catching passes from Michael Vick right now.

LMoH: Dallas
I think it was better when you weren't writing Michael Vick jokes.

Philadelphia at Chicago (PHI -7)
Mummer: Chicago
A Westbrook injury would justify me in taking Adrian Peterson with the first pick in the fantasy draft.

LMoH: Eagles
We are only in week 4 and you are already trying to justify the "All Day" draft pick. It's okay. Addai at #2 is working out nicely for me. I have no complaints.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (PIT -1.5)
Mummer: Baltimore
The Ravens have submitted tape to the NFL accusing the Browns of gouging the eyes of Willis McGahee on more than one play. Is this really what the Browns have been reduced to? A bunch of schoolyard girls poking the eyes of a superior opponent. Someone please make a fire Romeo Crennel site.

LMoH: Baltimore
Did they also pull his hair and spit on him? That's good stuff. A banged up Ben and a fired up Ravens defense makes for a long night in the 'Burgh.