Good Mime / Bad Mime

I initiated an email conversation with the LMoH the other day because of a SI.com article that said the Browns are interested in Beanie Wells. I say it would be a good pick, he disagrees. A conversation like this would be great for a radio show or podcast but since both of us have a face for radio and a voice for print, we’ll just let you read along. Keep in mind, quoted stats were done on the fly and may or may not be 100% accurate.


Mummer: This is good news for everybody in Cleveland.

LMoH: That is terrible news. You don’t NEED a running back right now. You WANT a running back right now. You NEED HELP DEFENSIVELY. Beanie Wells isn’t going to add another three or four wins next season. A solid linebacker and a solid DB just might. You are an idiot.
Oh and by the way, Lewis did go for 1,000 yards last year on a team that won four or five games. That’s pretty damn impressive. I say again… you sir… are an idiot.

Mummer: If you HAVE a top 5 PICK, you do NOT draft out OF need. You draft THE best player available. If WELLS is the best PLAYER available, you DRAFT him. You’re CAPITALIZATION of key WORDS makes me want TO slap you with a WHALES vagina.

LMoH: Two words…Willie Green.

Mummer: Willie Green was not NFL ready.

LMoH: You Ohio State fans are ridiculous. They are throwing a draft pick away by drafting him, even if he does become a Pro Bowl RB.

Mummer: Look at what Chris Johnson, Jonathan Stewart and Michael Turner did for their teams. I want that.

LMoH: I will grant you that. By the way, the Lions drafted the best player on the board four years in a row. I believe they went 0-16 last season. Maybe they should have drafted out of need a little more. I am stunned to hear you talk this way; you’re too smart for this.

Mummer: You are wrong there. The Lions didn’t have a top ten draft pick last year, I believe they had a mid-first round pick. The year before that was Megatron, the only reason they were competitive last year, and I’m not sure who they drafted in 2006. It was the years before that when they made the ignorant decisions to take Mike Williams and Charles Rogers. Either way, neither of those guys were top five picks. Wells however, is a top five pick. He is Larry Johnson reincarnated.

LMoH: My bad, but I’m sure you get the point though. And if by saying Beanie Wells is “Larry Johson reincarnated” you mean a running back that can only run behind an All-Pro line and is a cancer in the locker room, then sign me up. Sounds like a top five guy to me.

Mummer: You know what I mean. He has Larry Johnson-like skills.
In his defense, the O-Line he ran behind at OSU was sub-par and he still put up solid numbers. He’s the most NFL ready RB in the draft this year. Moreno is terrible.

LMoH: Because he is the most NFL ready running back doesn’t make him a top five pick. Lewis, Harrison and Wright are more than adequate RB’s. You have to fix the defense to be competitive. I could be wrong, but I believe three of the final four teams last year had defenses ranked one, two, and four. Even the much maligned Cardinals defense played impressive football throughout the playoffs. Like I said, I could be wrong.

Mummer: I agree that they need a linebacker, but I don’t know if you can take a LB at the fifth spot in this years draft. They absolutely can’t take Jenkins, that would be too high for him. That’s why I think Wells fits.

LMoH: Then trade down and get Rey Maualuga. We both agree he helps this team right now. I strongly disagree that Wells can help the team from day one.

Mummer: Wells is a much better long term option for the team. You get him for six years, Lewis has maybe two left in his tank. Guys like Wells don’t come around very often.

LMoH: You are killing me. You win with defense so start building it now. Every team in the league understands that you win with defense except the Browns, Lions and Bengals. They all did really well last year.

Mummer: You’re sarcasm in print makes you sound incompetent, not far off from how you come across in person. That being said, you can build a good defense in the second, third, and fourth, rounds. Look at Bob Sanders…2nd round, Joey Porter…3rd round, Jared Allen…4th round, James Harrison…undrafted. Not to mention, D’Qwell Jackson led the league in tackles last year, our linebackers aren’t terrible. We need a RB first, then DB.

LMoH: You disgust me, this whole thing disgusts me. If the Browns draft Wells I am done with them. DONE! The only team I will root for is the *Removed*, my fantasy team.
(Editors Note: In the interest of anonymity I will not post his fantasy football team name. But let’s just say it rhymes with “Dong Swallowing All-Star”.)

Mummer: The Defense was better than the Offense last year. That is fact.

LMoH: Which brings me to segment I’d like to steal outright from Saturday Night Live titled “Really, the Defense was better than the Offense, with the LMoH”

Really?
They gave up 20 or more points eight times, and 14 or more points thirteen times.
Really? They’re gonna win a Super Bowl with a defense that gets worked harder than that crusty towel in your closet?
They recorded 0 sacks in 6 games, and 1 sack in 5 games.
Really? Dakota Fanning has seen more sacks and she’s five.
They gave up 300 or more yards to a quarterback twice, including 400+ once, and 250+ four times.
Really? No wonder Derek Anderson was the starter for so long, he must have looked like Joe Montana in practice.
They gave up 150 yards to a single rusher three times, 100 yards or more eight times. And 80 or more yards ten times.
Really? I don’t have anything funny to say about that…it’s just sad.
They gave up 80 yards or more to a single receiver fourteen times, 90 or more ten times, 100 yards six times, and 150 twice.
Really? Wait a minute, I thought Crennel was a defensive guru.

So fine, the Defense might have been better than the Offense, but let’s face it, that isn’t saying much. Cleveland has drafted a player on Offense with 7 out of their 10 first round picks since they came back. Their record in that span is 54-106 with TWO seasons above 500. Maybe it’s time to try something a little different.

Mummer: Dakota Fanning is still five years old?

LMoH: Also, look at some of the top rushers for this year.

2. Michael Turner RB, ATL Drafted: 5th round
4. Clinton Portis RB, WAS Drafted: 2nd round
6. Steve Slaton RB, HOU Drafted: 3rd round
7. Matt Forte RB, CHI Drafted: 2nd round
9. Ryan Grant RB, GNB Drafted: N/A
11. Brandon Jacobs RB, NYG Drafted: 4th round
14. Frank Gore RB, SFO Drafted: 3rd
15. Derrick Ward RB, NYG Drafted: 7th round

Mummer: I refuse to believe that there is another player out there who will be as good as Wells when the pick gets to us. We need a RB of the future. We’ve needed one for the last 10 years. Defensive backs and linebackers are a dime a dozen. The Browns passed on LT a few years back as well…just an FYI.

LMoH: Yeah, they also passed on Adrian Peterson, both were good decisions at the time.

Mummer: If you have a chance to take either of those guys, who in my opinion are two of the best RB’s the NFL has seen over the last 15 years, you have to take them. I truly believe Beanie will be a great NFL RB, especially in the cold weather of Cleveland. He’s a cross between Peterson and Jacobs.

I rest my case.